The Truth is Ugly
by hdawn
Summary: Edward has a shocking secret. Carlisle has an even bigger secret. Bella can't take Edward's secret, and can the Cullen clan take Carlisle's secret? SONG FOR STORY: "Halo" by Pussycat Dolls. It fits, I promise.
1. Chapter 1

Stephanie Meyer own anything and all things surrounding Twilight and all that it entails. I'm just glad that we're allowed to write different little scenarios with her characters. Thanks SM!

**Chapter One**

Boredom

Bella POV

I think I have to be one of the most boring vampires...ever. I mean really. What vampire sits around watching another predictable episode of _Cheaters_? I didn't have anything else to do. All the boys were out hunting. I didn't go because one, I wasn't thirsty and two, it kinda seemed like a 'all the brothers get together to have fun' type hunting trip. Why spoil that? I watched as the poor guy that looked like he had been punched in the mouth because he was missing at least half his teeth, had just caught his wife with another woman. You would think that they could start getting a little creative here.

As I took in a deep and unnecessary breath, I looked around our small but wonderful home. There wasn't much to it. If it weren't for all the furniture that I knew was expensive thanks to Esme's decorating of the place, it would look almost like a shack. I couldn't complain though. It was _our_ space. Mine. And Edward's. I knew I didn't want anything big and fancy. So to me, it was perfect. I looked back at the television just in time to see the something getting thrown at the host, and just as I heard the classic line, 'You were never there for me', I turned the t.v. off. Tossing the remote onto the couch next to me, I lazily got up and stood motionless. I couldn't think of a thing to do. I didn't think it was ever possible to be _this_ bored. I couldn't go to the Cullen's house. Since all the boys were off hunting, Alice and Rosalie decided they would take a shopping trip, which I happily, at the time, decided not to go. And Carlisle and Esme were at home for rare and much needed alone time. Thinking back on it, for once, shopping seems appealing now compared to the boredom that was overtaking me.

Breaking my trance, I threw my arms in the air in a childlike tantrum and plopped back down on the couch, hearing a loud crack. _Dammit!_, I thought. It's been a few years now, but I still had to work on realizing that I was stronger than mostly anything. I reluctantly got back up and strolled, dragging my feet, to our bedroom. I loved our room. It reminded me of one of the happiest moments in my life. My honeymoon. Sighing, I gracefully plopped onto our bed and laid there staring at the ceiling. Being in this bed always got be distracted. I couldn't help it. So many wonderful and beautiful things happened in this bed, I almost couldn't stand it. Almost. I let my mind drift off to my own recallations of different memories of times in our bed. His electric touch as he caressed every inch of my body. His beautiful lips kissing fervently over every inch of my body. His tongue...licking...every inch...

Before I even realized what I was doing, I could feel the pressure of my dainty yet hard fingers on my throbbing center. I let my mind flood with the memories and could-be fantasies of Edward, as I swiftly circled my clit. Knowing no one was here, I let out loud growls and hisses as I felt twinges of sweet pleasure as I came closer and closer to my self made release. I thought of how Edward growled so low and so deep, that I literally would go weak everytime no matter where we were. That did it for me. Just thinking of it made me cum so soon there after that it caught me off guard. A little dissapointed that I couldn't go longer, I got up and somewhat skipped to the bathroom. I was kinda happy, and somewhat relaxed knowing that I had killed a little time off my day. Now I could take a shower and shed some more minutes. Wasn't much, but I was taking what I could get.

I turned the hot water on full blast, I deliberatly took my clothes off one item at a time as slow as I possibly could. The slower I took, the more time passed. Or so I thought. I glanced at my cell phone before taking my jeans off and noticed that barely a minute had passed. Frustrated I ripped my jeans off, tossing them roughly into our bedroom. I knew it was stupid, but I didn't care. I was bored. And it was frustrating me. I slipped my panties off quickly, but carefully and tossed them into the room. Stepping into the shower, I turned to let my back face the hot water. Not that it mattered, but it was habit. My muscles didn't ache. But it was a human act that I just never got out of. As I stood there with my hands against the wall of the shower, I heard the front door open swiftly and slam shut. I cocked my head to the side, listening. I knew it was Edward. Who the hell else would it be? But the way he slammed the door, caught my attention. Even though once I had changed into a vampire, I had aquired highly developed senses, I still couldn't make out Edward's mumbling. It was low and swift, almost as if he didn't even know what he was saying. He seemed upset from what I could make out. _Hmm._, I thought. Ignoring him for now, I went back to my habitual shower. I know I didn't need a shower, but anything to still connect me to my human life, I kept doing. Still using my favorite shampoo, the scent of strawberries stronger to me now, I rinsed my hair and turned the water off. I grabbed a towel and quickly dried myself off. I wrapped the towel around me tightly and tucked a portion into the towel just under my arm. I grabbed my cell and looked at the time. Just about 10 minutes. Not bad. Didn't matter now, he was home and now we could both be bored. Together.

I stolled into the room and lightly let my phone drop onto the night stand by our bed and started rummaging through the closet for something to wear. I heard Edward come into our room and I heard his cell phone vibrate. It sounded muffled, so I knew it was still in his pocket. The vibration noise got louder as I assumed he took it out of his pocket to see who was calling. Grunting to himself, I heard the phone roughtly land on the other night stand that was on his side of the bed.

Poking my head out of the closet to see what was up, I saw Edward sitting at the foot of the bed with his back facing me, taking his shoes off.

"Hey babe", almost sounding nervous, but reeling myself to keep my voice controlled. Trying to not to sound like a nagging housewife. I chucked enternally to myself at the sound of that thought. "How was the boy's day out?"

"Fine. Bagged a couple of mountain lions for myself. Emmett got himself a bear and a couple of deer, and Jasper kept it small and simple, sticking with just deer." With his back still facing me, he reached over and grabbed his cell phone, flipping it open. Texting so quick that anyone not a vampire wouldn't have seen him do it, he closed his phone and tossed it on the bed next to him.

I went back to finding a comfy shirt to wear and pulled it on, poking my head through just in time to have Edward right next to me, puting his arms around my waist and give me a light, but loving kiss on the cheek. I turned to look at him. His eyes were always something that I could never get used to no matter how much I looked at them. They were just too beautiful, and so full of everything that I love. I pulled my hand up and swept his cheek with the my fingers and reached up to kiss his wonderful lips. "I missed you." I said as I looked at him.

"Missed you too. I'm getting the impression that you _didn't_ go with Alice and Rose shopping. You must have been bored out of your mind. In any case, how was your day, love?" Edward looked at me expectantly, though I had a feeling that he already knew the answer.

" Okay. Just sat around. Watched some t.v." I shrugged nonchalantly.

"Anything good on?"

"Not really. Watched a couple of informercials on hip hop abs and some bullet of magic thing, I don't know." I made a slight confused look and went on. " Watched a _really_ predictable episode of Cheaters. Same ol same ol." I shrugged and just before I went to wrap my arms around him and put my head in his chest, I noticed something in Edward's eyes that I couldn't place. I'd never really seen it before, and it was so minute, that I just blew it off. Then I felt how ever so slightly tense he was. Almost like he was trying to fight his tense up. He relaxed a little and kissed the top of my head as I let him go and walked out of the closet. One of the boys must have ticked him off somehow. Probably Emmett's comments as usual. I didn't care. Edward was home and I no longer was bored.


	2. Chapter 2 Text, Lies, and Bella

**Chapter Two**

Text, Lies, and Bella

Edward POV

I'm not going to lie. I liked that it was just me and my brothers. We needed to hang out. Of course, our version of hanging out was to go hunting. We each decided to bring different things so that we could do other things together out here besides hunting. Jasper brought a baseball for a light game of catch. I say _light_ game because anything stronger than lightly tossing the ball to each other would lead people to believe there was an invisible thunderstorm. I rolled my eyes at the frustration. Emmett brought his portable stereo so that we could listen to music while we tossed the ball around.

"Uh, Eddie, did you not bring anything?", Emmett asked as he set up which cd they wanted to listen to first.

"Please stop calling me Eddie. And I brought myself." I smugly countered. What more could have I brought. I wasn't serious about my presence here being better than anything. Are you kidding me? I only said that, because acting like I was the shit seemed better than admitting that I had nothing at home to bring. Life at home was becoming mundane. Bella was my life. I loved her with every ounce of my exsistence. But life at home had become...boring. I try to do things to make things less boring. And unfortunately, even though sex with Bella was...god, sex with Bella was unbelievably amazing. However, even though I don't get tired like a human, I still can only have sex so much in one day. I even lost count one week. I think we hit close to the hundred mark. And that's how things have been going lately. "Hey Em? Jasper?"

They both looked up at me, stopping what they were doing and becoming almost stauesque. I just stood there for a fraction of a second staring at them, trying to think of a good way to ask them without raising any flags. I finally made myself move and shook my head a little to get back to the moment.

Emmett started looking annoyed, "Spit it out jackass who doesn't bring anything worth anything to our fun day out." Emmett got up hitting me in my shoulder.

That should have annoyed me, but I ignored it and went back to what I needed. "Does it make sense to be having too much sex?", I looked up to meet their gaze.

I'd never seen two more dumbfounded looks in my existence. Emmett had one eyebrow up staring at me like I was the dumbest person on the planet and Jasper just looked at me with complete and utter confusion. "What?", I asked trying to sound nonchalant about my questioning.

"You have to be the dumbest person on the planet!", Emmett shouted louder than he needed to. I rolled my eyes at his predictablity. Laughing to myself I turned to Jasper to get his answer, when my cell phone started vibrating. I sighed and pulled out my phone to look at who was calling. I was pretty sure it was Bella, or Alice calling to tell me something about Bella. I was okay with that. Because once I had asked them that question and heard my self ask it. It sounded stupid. I was being stupid. It was just a normal time. I was so used to having to protect Bella, that anytime that things aren't going wrong, of course it's going to seem boring. I looked to see who was calling and it turned out it was a text. Flipping open my phone, I was aware of Jasper and Emmett still standing there looking at me. Ignoring them for the moment I looked at the text. Shit.

T: _Edward I need to see you._

Dammit. Why did she have to do this? She had left me alone after last time for a good seven or eight months now. I was hoping she had found someone by now. Dammit it hell. I looked at Jasper and Emmett, giving them a quick 'it's nothing' smile and as quick as possible before Emmett could say anything, I texted her back.

E: _Not right now. Kinda busy._

I shut my phone and tried to concentrate on the rest of our hunting trip. I was unbelievably thankful that they couldn't hear what was in my head. Jasper glanced my way every now and then when he probably felt like something wasn't right. But after many years of practice, I have learned to keep my self extremely controlled. I made sure that the rest of the day was filled with pure guy fun and tried to keep myself distracted. It was somewhat easy until we decided to call it a day and parted ways. Emmett smacked my back telling me he'd see me later and Jasper said goodnight. He narrowned is eyes in the tiniest bit, almost unnoticable. Almost. I mock punched his shoulder and told him I'd see him later and quickly turned to run home. I definitely needed to get away from Jasper.

As I ran home, I thought about how I'd cover for myself this time. This time. I can't believe I was doing this. I can't believe I've _been_ doing this. This is something that once, seemed like something that could be done and then forgotten and no one would be the wiser. I could feel it in ever inch of me that something. Yes, something was definitely going to happen. Something big. I needed to make sure that something didn't happen. No matter what.

My phone kept vibrating on the way home and I purposely ignored it. I was getting more and more annoyed though with each vibration. I got to the house, opening the door and slammed it shut. I couldn't help it. I was frustrated. I was angry with myself. But I was also frustrated because it was always so much work covering up my indescretions than it was to even act on it. I heard Bella in the shower, so I didn't annouce I was home or anything. She knew I was here. Who the hell else would it be? Since she was in the shower, I quickly pulled out my phone while it was momentarily silent and flipped it open to read the messages. I had four messages all from her.

T: _Please Edward. It's important. It won't be like that. I promise._

T: _You can't ignore me Edward. I really need to see you. I need to talk to you. I NEED you._

T: _I promise I won't say anything. I'm not trying to ruin your life. Please._

T: _Please. Please Edward. Something happened._

. I mumbled to myself so low I don't even think I knew what the hell I was saying. I closed my phone and shoved it back into my pocket. I stood still for a moment as thoughts whirled through my mind. I was a horrible, horrible man. I couldn't even call myself a man. I was scum. No, that would be an upgrade for me.

I glided to our room just as my phone vibrated again. Fuck fuck fuck. I glanced to see that Bella was busy looking for something to wear in our closet that was half our house thanks to Alice. I quickly yanked my phone from my pocket and saw that I had recieved another text. _Fucking leave me alone_, I thought to myself as I let my phone drop onto the night stand. I flinched and paused as the phone noisely hit the wood surface, quickly looking to see if Bella had taken notice too. Seeming to be in the clear, I rested myself at the foot of our bed, and roughly ran my hands over my face and through my hair. I started taking my shoes off when I heard Bella behind me.

"Hey babe." She sounded somewhat excited. I had a feeling that she would say no to going shopping with Rose and Alice, and they way she sounded, I was right.

"How was boy's day out?"

I was glad I was home. I missed Bella. And it didn't make me happy that she had been home all day by herself with nothing to do. I hadn't read the last message from her. But for some reason, I couldn't just let it sit there without knowing what it said. God I hate myself. I made sure my voice was as normal as possible before I answered her. "Fine." I quickly grabbed my phone off of the table without looking at Bella, and flipped it open. Yep. It was her. "Bagged a couple of mountain lions for myself. Emmett got himself a bear and a couple of deer, and Jasper kept it small and simple, sticking with just deer." I opened up the message to actually read it. I tightly closed my eyes, secretly wishing for something to save me. As quick as I possibly could, while making it look like it was nothing. Like a text from Emmett or something, I replied back to her. If Bella asked me, it was Emmett. Yeah.

I turned my phone off, and tossed it onto the bed. I sat still for a moment to collect myself and went to my Bella. When I walked in the overstocked closet, all I could see was Bella's petite, yet athletic body. She was wearing jeans and was working on putting her shirt on. I walked up to her just as her head poked through and I wrapped my arms around this beautiful woman and kissed her on the cheek. Yeah, I definitely missed her. I can't say I didn't miss human Bella, but after Bella changed, all her best features and everything I loved about her, was automatically accentuated. Before, she was petite and definitely no flab anywhere, but she was soft. Which I liked. Her hair had always been long and dark and beautiful and I was getting jabs of sensation just thinking about my hands getting tangled in there while kissing her. Her hair was now all of that and shiny. I just loved this woman.

She swiftly turned in my arms so that she could fully face me. I always felt like I was getting hit with little electrical currents whenever Bella touched me. And as she touched my face, I couldn't help but feel like an ass. "I miss you", she said to me. Yes, she was happy to see me. Whether it be because she just loved me that much or the fact that she was also home alone bored all day. I didn't care. I was still the biggest fuck up on the planet. I didn't deserve this woman.

"Missed you too.", trying very hard not to spill my guts right then and there on how much of a shit I was. "I am getting the impression that you _didn't_ go with Rose and Alice shopping. You must have been bored out of your mind. In any case, how was your day, love?"

"Okay. Just sat around. Watched some t.v."

"Anything good on?"

"Not really. Watched a couple of informercials on hip hop abs and some bullet of magic thing, I don't know." A slightly confused look was on her face as she went on. " Watched a _really_ predictable episode of Cheaters. Same ol same ol.", she shrugged.

If that wasn't an omen. I don't know what was.

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Please review. I don't mean to beg, but I am begging you to review. I don't care about getting the most reviews. I just care about getting what reviews I can, so that I know if this is going anywhere with ya'll, or if I should just shut it up and go back to blah land. Yeah, blah land exists. It's full of blah.

Much love.


	3. Chapter 3 Not Right

**Chapter Three**

Not Right

Bella POV

What had just happened? What the hell had just happened? I laid there, unnessarily breathing hard, trying to rack my brain around what had just happened. I should have realized that something was wrong in the closet. The way Edward had forced his kiss on me unexpectedly, wasn't like anything I had ever felt. It had all happened so fast. I had a feeling. I had that gut feeling deep down. But I ignored it. I had missed him so much yesterday that I just let him have me. I enjoyed it. I was there, in the moment. I'm not gonna lie, even though it seemed forced, his lips tasted so good, that I ignored every feeling and got lost in his embrace. As I laid there, staring at the cieling, I tried to recall every detail of last night. For some reason, I felt overwhelmingly self consious, naked under our sheet. I haven't felt so doubtful of myself in so long, this was confusing me. Why did I feel like this?

I turned on my side, facing away from the man I loved. Granted we don't sleep, he still liked to put on his head phones and listen to music with his eyes closed. He almost looked asleep. I curled up into a semi-ball and let my mind recall everything...

******************

"I love you Bella. I love you so much, it makes me crazy. Every inch of me aches to be with you and I still don't believe that I deserve you. You are my world. Nothing else matters." And with that, I felt Edward smash his face and lips into mine as if we hadn't seen each other in decades. At first it surprised me, and then I felt like it was wrong. As he stopped to look at me, I placed my hands firmly on his chest so that he would pause for moment. There wasn't much he could hide from me, and even though we couldn't read each other's mind, I had been with Edward long enough now that I knew when something was up. "Are you okay?", I gingerly questioned. Running my fingers through his hair and gently rubbing his arms, I expected him to tell me that he had had a annoying hunting experience with Emmett or something.

"No. No. I'm good. I just missed you so much." He immdiately went back to his task at hand and started nibbling on every inch of my neck and ears. I didn't _not_ want to believe him, so I gave in and let his hands ravish over my body. Even his hands seemed forced. It almost seemed like he was aggrivated at something. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I heard my clothes being shredded and ripped off. I broke from his kisses and glanced down at myself. I don't know why it astonished me, but it did. And before I could ask him another question, his hands angrily groped my ass and yanked my body up so that I had to wrap my arms and legs around him.

My body and head were fighting each other with confusion. My mind was screaming at me to stop this and demand that he tell me what was wrong. To ask him if Emmett may have said something to upset him this bad. Or maybe Alice saw something that might be a sign of danger for us. After everything we had been through, I didn't put it past us that something would always come up. Even now being a vampire, it seemed that anything involving trouble somehow found me. Even though all this was going through my head, my body was betraying me. My body liked this new found roughness. I was acting like I was craving it. I was kissing him with as much force and he was giving me, feeling sharp waves of pleasure that felt like they shot from my heart and all way down to my now unbelievably wet center. I was betrayed again as my traitor body was so pleased that I let out a low yet feminine growl. That seemed to make him go stronger. I could tell that he had started to walk out of the closet to get to our bed, but once he heard me, I felt my body being slammed up against the wall. It smashed behind me and clothes dropped to the floor as I yanked on them trying to find something to hold on to. I kept asking myself where this was coming from. What had gotten into him? I was cussing my body out as I felt myself buck against his body.

I could feel more and more of the poor wall of our closet crushing behind me. We had yet to really do anything, but I was so damn turned on that I felt as if I could release right then and there. I grabbed the back of his t-shirt and ripped it off. I was beginning to not be able to think clearly and that made my thoughts scream more. As if they were being extenguished. I knew in the position I was in, there was no way I was going to be able to get to his pants. And it wasn't like I really cared. I knew they were coming off somehow, and it didn't matter to me who did it. I felt Edwards hands roughly grab hold of my left breast. Kneeding it as if he could rip it off. I wanted to worry about how rough he was being, but my god he felt so good. Damn body. Traitor. I ran my fingers up Edwards bare back, up his neck and into his hair. I could feel his hand feeling every inch of my chest and stomach. I let out a loud moan when his fingers found my wet folds and started circling my clit. "Oh god." I moaned and without realizing it, I had grabbed hold of handfulls of his hair and was pulling as I felt so many jabs of pressure of wanting to release.

I was right about his pants, because as soon as I had yanked on his hair, I heard Edward literally roar from his chest and I felt him slightly bend his knees and what I felt next I don't think I'll ever forget. Edward had always started slow and worked his way up to thrusting harder and faster, but this was different. He didn't go fast, yet he wasn't exactly slow either. Each thrust in me was harder than the last and I couldn't deny my body's betrayal as I growled and moaned so loud I wondered who else was hearing this. The dent in the wall was getting deeper and deeper as he literally ground himself in to me. It was hard, and I was slightly scared, but each drive of his large and hard cock into me made my muscles clench around him and I felt myself very quickly get to my breaking point. Edward was also usually quiet when we made love. There was hiss every now and then, but as soon as I started to cum, I grabbed his back and my nails dug into his skin as I threw my head back and screamed in pleasure, I heard the most frightening, deepest, most menacing growl start in his chest and it was loud and and just as deep when his mouth released it. And with that, I could feel him throbbing with his release against my muscles.

We both stayed there, my legs and arms still wrapped around his as we both heaved hard deep breaths and we tried to control our breathing. My mind was still blank as Edward carried me, still inside me, to our bed. Bracing us with his right arm, we fell onto our bed and he slowly and carefully, as if it were my first time and he was trying to be gentle, pulled out of me and rolled onto his back to lay next to me. I turned my head to look at him, and he was staring at the ceiling with his arms behind his head. He didn't even take a moment to look at me. I opened my mouth, to attempt to say something, but this time my mind was the traitor and I had nothing to say.

*****

And here we were. We had both said nothing for God knows how long. Now that my mind could think clearly, I replayed the event in my head again and again. Even though my back was to him, I could always tell when his eyes were on me. But I could feel it this time, his eyes weren't on me, as if nothing had happened. Still laying in my semi-ball, with the sheets pulled up to my chin, I felt Edward get up and go to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. _Okay_, I thought. And as I heard him mess with the doorknob of the door to the bathroom, I heard the lock engage for the first time. Ever.

As soon as the click of the lock engaged, my head clicked into place. _Yeah. Something is definitely wrong._

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Please I need your reviews!! And anyone that likes my story so far. Thank you. Thank you because you are letting me know that I am doing something that I NEVER thought I would do. Much less think I was good at it. Thank you Thank you Thank you.


	4. Chapter 4 Click Click Silly Bella

**Chapter Four**

Click Click Silly Bella

Stephanie Meyer owns anything and everything having to do with the Twilight series and it's characters and I just thank her for allowing people like me to use the characters for different scenarios.

Bella POV

As I heard the door's lock engaged, my head was in place. _Yes. Something was definitely wrong._

* * *

I laid there trying to wrap my brain around that click. _Click._ That's all it took to turn my world upside down. Did I miss something? I had definitely missed something. I couldn't keep up with all the different thoughts and emotions that were going through me right now. He knew something that I didn't. Alice had to have seen something. That's the only reason that he would be acting this way. I still didn't understand what had happened in the closet. Was what he knew something that scared him so much that he felt like he only had precious time left with me?

Even though there was some danger looming in the near future, Edward had always told me. Or at least Alice would have said something causing Edward to have to tell me soon after. I realized that I had to figure out what was going on. And I definitely needed to ask him what they hell happened in closet. I jumped out of bed, pulling the sheet with me, and went to the closet. Before I could go too deep into it, something caught my attention. I glanced to my left and finally looked at the aftermath of our closet redevious. The wall was severely dented in, I could tell where the first impact of my back was and where each thrust had crushed it more and more. I don't know why I felt so ashamed looking at that hole. But for some reason, looking at it reminded how wrong I felt things were. Something just wasn't right.

I quickly found the closest thing I could to a comfortable shirt and threw on another pair of jeans. It was a good things that Alice liked to shop. Because if she didn't like it, I wouldn't have a endless supply of jeans. I grabbed some shoes and slipped them on and grabbed a hair tie that was sitting on one of the shelves and swiftly pulled my hair up into a pony tail. I went back into the room and stood just outside the closet looking at everything around our room. I could hear the shower going in the bathroom, but I wondered if he was actually even in there. I went to my night stand and grabbed my phone, glancing to see if I had missed any calls or messages. Nothing was there. That's good. No news was good news right? Then something occured to me. I looked over to Edwards table and noticed his headphones connected to his iPod in a jumbled mess and next to the cords of his headphones was his cell phone.

I didn't really know what I wanted to do. And I don't know why I was wanting to look at his phone. Part of me wanted to respect what little privacy he had and let it go. Part of me wanted to rush over there like the irrational wife I felt like I was being and look through his phone. Finally deciding to give in to my irrational side, I gracefully danced over to the table and yanked his phone into my hands. Quickly stopping to look towards the bathroom, I listened to see if anything had changed. Nope. I quickly opened his phone and noticed it wasn't on. Why would he turn his phone off? I held down the power button for a couple of seconds and let it go, watching as his phone came to life. Allowing a quick listen and glance to the bathroom, I went on. Once the phone had fully booted up, something caught in my throat and I felt something clench in my stomach. A code. He put a code on his phone. He's never done that. Granted I'd never gone through his phone, but I also noticed that he never had a code on his phone. He never had anything to hide that was so bad that he would have to lock his phone.

Frustrated, I snapped the phone shut and placed it quietly back in the same spot as where I had gotten it. I heard the shower water stop, and in a split second decision, I decided to wait for him and ask him what happened last night. So I sat down at the foot of the bed and watched as the door unlocked. _Click_. Edward came out with nothing but a towel wrapped tightly around his waist. With another towel, he was lazily drying his hair as he walked up and kissed me on the forehead, then walked past me to go to the closet. I looked over my shoulder at him as he entered the closet. It was the tiniest of movements, but I saw him flinch and somewhat coil into himself when he saw the hole in the wall. That settled it right there. I had to talk to him.

I all but flew into the closet, slightly catching Edward off guard as I approached him. "We need to talk." I stated authoritivly. I looked at him with my hands on my hips. I hadn't realized I was even doing it until Edward had glanced down before he spoke. I quickly put my hands at my side and leaned against the door frame.

"I'm...not sure I know what you mean." he said giving some mock innocent look.

"You. I'm talking about last night." I let the words tumble out of my mouth.

Glancing up at the something else I couldn't see, I could see Edward's adam's apple bob up and down as he took in a deep gulp of nothing. "You've never complained about my performance before." He glanced down at me, giving me one of those half smiles that I loved so much.

"Yeah, well I never had a performance with a secret behind it either. Did Alice see something?"

Edward flinched when I asked him about Alice. "No, Alice hasn't seen anything. I'm sorry if I upset you love." And suddenly his hands cradled each side of my face and he looked deep into my eyes. "Did I hurt you? Please tell me if I hurt you."

I sighed. Maybe I was overreacting. He was probably just acting out a fantasy. It's not like I didn't enjoy it. "No Edward. I don't know how many times I have to remind you this, but I'm not frail, breakable Bella anymore. And it wasn't that long ago when I was stronger than you. So please. _Please_. Stop thinking that everything you do hurts me. I'm sorry I questioned it. It's just that...well...we'd never been like that before. And the hole in the wall. I just wondered where it all came from. There was so much frustration behind it."

I watched as his face stayed focused and controlled. "No my Bella, I'm sorry about that. Really I am. I know it took you by surprise, and quite frankly, I was surprised at myself. I guess I just missed you so much...I had to have you right then and there." He smirked smugly and started getting dressed. "Are you coming with me to Carlisle's?"

"Yeah, I'm coming." I smiled and turned to head out of the closet. I had felt better after talking to him. I knew I was being silly.

Edward emerged from our room, looking calm and collected, and met me at the door. Closing the door behind me, Edward had already started jogging his way there. I started to run to catch up, knowing that my full force running would catch up with him in a couple of seconds, Edward started running full force and we were at Carlisle's house in no time. I loved running with Edward. It used to be that all I could see was green and brown blur of...well...blur. Now, I could run at the same pace with him and as I ran, I could see every detail of every leaf and speckle of dirt through the woods. I could see the little army of ants with tiny pieces of bright green leaves they were carrying in a single line formation. We took our time once we were close to Carlisle's and Edward took my hand as we strolled up the steps, towards the front door.

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Please Read and Review. Thank you for those who are reading.


	5. Chapter 5 Cheese Hats and Funny Feeling

**Chapter Five**

Cheese Hats and Funny Feelings

Bella POV

The house was noisy, yet peaceful. Edward's hand was still in mine as Carlise emerged from his office to greet us as the front door closed.

"Hello Edward. Bella." He nodded once to each of us. "You two still enjoying that house?"

I chimed in, before Edward could. "Yes, definitely." I smiled. I didn't want Edward giving any clues away as to the newest destruction to our home. Granted I had gotten my answers about last night, and I indeed felt better. Yet the hole that was now engraved into our wall still seemed wrong to me. It almost seemed like a dark secret hole that held some sort of darkness that even thinking about it brought my mood down. Something about that hole made me feel ashamed for some reason. And there was another feeling that I couldn't pinpoint. It was there. Somewhere in my gut. It was way down there too, in some hollow part that I was now realizing existed. What was this new pit of my inner being that was lingering there? I had to stop this. This was stupid. There was no reason for this unknown feeling to be there.

I could hear the t.v. going on in the living room. I could make out two men giving a play by play of the replay of some part of a game. I instantly perked up and lightly squeezed Edward's hands as I turned to him, hopping lightly on my tip toes. "Hey, I'm gonna go watch the game. Love you." Even though I was extremely capable of getting there in the blink of an eye, I still liked to take my time getting places. I really only did things quickly if it suited me or was necessary for the situation. On my way there I could clearly hear Emmet yelling obsenities at the screen. I laughed to myself skipping my way to the couch.

"It's not like you have a broken leg asshole! Just go for the fucking touchdown! Dammit!" Emmett hollerd as he ran his hand over his head, grabbing the hat off his head and throwing to the ground. Emmett has always in my mind, even as a human, been my big brother. I loved him so much, I don't know what I would do without him. And even though Edward was there for me almost every second during my first few years as a newborn vampire, Emmett also gave me that big brother aspect of things that I loved. He was there for me almost as much as Edward was. So since we had spent so much time together, Emmett's love of football, had rubbed off onto me. Jumping over the back of the couch, I plopped down next to Emmett, smacking him in the back of the head.

"Hey Smella!" he said playfully pushing me over. "What brings you around these here parts?", he questioned me with the dumbest country accents I'd heard in a long time.

"We just came to hang out I assume. I heard the game and rushed over here before I missed anything good. _Did_ I miss anything good?" I asked as I pulled my legs up onto the couch to sit crisscrossed. As I got comfortable, I felt Alice come behind me and give me a hug. "Hey Bella!" she chimed, "What have you been up to?"

There wasn't much that could get past Alice, and I wondered if she knew about last night. If I could blush, I knew I would be a red flag blowing in the wind right now. I tried to smile as if nothing interesting had ever happened. I wasn't stupid though, and I knew Alice had at least a slight idea of what transpired last night. Screw it. "Just being bored. I'm good now though. I forgot that there was a game playing." I smiled a huge grin as Emmett and me exchanged a loud high five. I threw my head back to look at Alice, only this time she was upside down. "Did you and Rose find anything good? And I already know that a skirt was found for me, so hand it over." I cringed, rolling my eyes as I held my hand out over my head. I looked back at the tv with my arm still extended, waiting for Alice. I heard the rush of wind as she ran to her room. Watching the game I immediately perked up as Emmett and I watched as the Packers were kicking the ball for Vikings to recieve. The catcher called a fair catch and there was a break as the teams got their strategy together for the next play.

As we watched some commercial about the new Ford Fusion. I thought to myself how back in the day I had an adversion to anything but my precious old beat up truck. _Rest in peace old friend_, I thought.

Emmett had switched his ball cap for a big over the top cheese hat. I looked at him with amusement and suddenly punched him in the arm and looked at him with mock anger. "Hey! Where's mine?!"

"Hey now, don't get all crazy on me. I have your hat. I'm not giving it to you though. You're rooting for the wrong team, and I don't think it would be right to keep letting you go down the wrong path." Emmett suddenly got a serious look on his face that for a moment stopped me in my thought process. He grabbed my shoulders roughly and started shaking me. "Look at me Bella!"

"Em, what-"

"Bella please. Come back from the dark side." It suddenly clicked in my head that Emmett was trying to be funny.

"Ha. Ha. Emmett. Just give me my hat!" I threw myself over him as I reached over his side of the couch and felt around on the floor until I felt the styrofoam at my finger tips. I snatched it up and pulled the yellow, foam viking horns onto my head. I sat back and stuck my nose in the air and stuck my tongue out at him.

His face scrunched at me and he started shoving me further away. "Bella, your team stinks! They are one of the lowest teams in the league right now! It would be a miracle if they won this game!"

"The Vikings will prevail! And then you'll be bowing at my feet and begging to be on the dark side. Come on Emmett, join me..." I tried to sound evil and menacing. I laughed heartily and went back to watching the game. The game had come back on and was happy that I hadn't missed anything except the replay of how _great_ the Packers' defense was. Both teams lined up and the seconds passed as the quarterback waited for the ball to be hiked to him. I got a little ansey and I watched the time clock for the play to start tick down to two seconds left. Finally the ball snapped back into the quarterbacks hands and it turned into a flurry of purples and greens. Yellows and golds. The quarterback trotted back a few steps and faked to his right, suddenly shotgunning it slightly to the left, down field to number 28. Adrian Peterson. Rookie of the Year and never seized to amaze me. My anxiousness rose in me at extremely high levels as I started jumping up and down on the couch.

"Go! Go! Go! Go! Oh my god! Go! Wooo!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed.

"No Dammit! Get his ass! What the hell!? Get him!!", Emmett yelled.

We each watched with two completely different emotions as Peterson caught the ball at the 60 yard line, and put everything he had in running to make one of the most beautiful touchdowns I'd ever seen. I hadn't seen many really, but damn it was great.

"Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah!" I jumped off the couch onto the floor and started doing some special version of the cabbage patch doll. Emmett threw his cheese hat down and got up fiercly and threw the remote at the t.v. The house got still as the t.v. shattered and suddenly Edward was next to me, looking slightly tense. I quickly took my hat off and set it down on the couch, and I turned to look at him. "Hey babe."

Edward looked at the t.v. curiously and looked at me as if to ask me what happened, but it looked like he knew he was looking at the wrong person, so he looked at Emmett. "What happened?!"

"The Vikings cheated." Emmett mummered sourly.

"Baby." I poked at him.

He threw his arms up in the air and stalked off to some other part of the house. I grinned smugly and turned back towards Edward and moved closer to him, wrapping my arms around his waist. "And where have you been?"

"I hung out with Carlisle and Esme for a little bit, and then Alice wanted to talk to me. Was Jasper in here at all with you two? I haven't seen him.", he asked me as he kissed the top of my head.

It finally donned on me that I was being extremely unsociable when we got here. I had maybe said one complete sentence to Carlisle before I darted off to come watch this game. I hadn't done anything else and realized that I hadn't really seen anyone except Carlisle and Emmett. I know I saw Alice for a moment. Wasn't she supposed to come right back? I shook the thought away and came back to the moment.

"I haven't seen Jasper at all. I feel horribly rude. We got here and I didn't do anything except rush to the couch. I'm sorry. Did I miss anything? What did Alice need?"

"It was nothing. She was wanting my approval on a couple of outfits that she had bought for you. I have to say, she has outdone herself this time. She appealed to how she wants you to dress, to how you like to dress. I think you will like them.", he said as he smiled sweetly at me. I reached up, throwing my arms around his neck, giving him a deep and fullfilling kiss. I loved this man that was always looking out for me. He was kissing me so passionately, I had almost forgotten where we were. As my body was pressed firmly against his, I felt a immediate vibration at my hip. I stopped everything and looked down. I started to go for my jeans pocket, when Edward's hand stopped me.

"Its mine, love.", giving me one of his gorgeous half smiles.

"Well you should answer it then, and tell them they have really, really bad timing.", I purred.

"It's probably nothing." He shrugged as he gently maneuvered his way out of my arms. My eyes narrowed slightly as I looked him.

"Just answer it Edward." I lightly laughed, "Oh, I'm sorry. Is it something I'm not supposed to hear?" I teased.

I noticed him flinch a little and he looked down at the ground. _Why_-

"Bella! Could you come up here real quick? I want to show you what I got!" Alice called down from her room, interrupting my thoughts. Edward suddenly had a look of relief written all over his face, which suddenly brought back that sinking hollow pit feeling in my stomach. There it was again. Watching that game had made me forget all about it. I looked at him suspiciously, as I turned to go upstairs, my head turning slower than the rest of me. That was impeccable timing. Saved by Alice. I wasn't annoyed. No. The feeling I had was getting slightly stronger now. Something was up with Edward. I knew it. And Alice had chimed in at the perfect time. I know how Alice works. Replaying those last seconds in my head, I know I was fixing to ask him why he was so reluctant on answering his phone in front of me. It was a split second decision that I had made. And in the decision, I knew Alice had seen that I was going to ask that. I wasn't stupid, but I was getting the feeling that both Edward and Alice, weren't giving credit to my intellegence, where credit was due. What were they keeping from me? I thought about my game watching with Emmett. He seemed just as oblivious to anything as I was. I hadn't seen Jasper or Rosalie, so I could'nt know for sure if they knew anything. I wasn't sure about Esme either, and Carlise hadn't _seemed_ like he knew something. I knew for sure, that I had to demand Alice tell me what was going on.

I was already at the top of the stairs, still taking my time, when I heard Edward flip his phone open. I paused momentarily, and I heard him quickly keying on his phone, then snapping it shut. What was with all the text messages? Were him and Alice trading correspondence through text, so that they didn't have to actually talk in person? If they were trying to be secretive, they were really bad about it. I may not be able to read minds, and I definitely can't see the future, but I wasn't dumb, and I could tell when something was up. I wasn't the only bad actor around here. I didn't want to ask Alice what she knew today. Especially with Edward so close by. I know she's been wanting to go to the movies. I'll get her then.

I tapped on her bedroom door, then opened it. I stolled into her room, feeling determined and confident. I was going to get my answers. I looked at her bed and saw a few shirts and two pairs of plaid shorts. I wasn't going to lie, I liked the shorts, and it helped that she didn't try to force some high stiletto shoes my way this time. That made me feel better than she was starting to come around on my idea of fashion. I closed my eyes and focused to get back to the task at hand. Alice stood by her bed, hands clasped together against her chest as she eagerly awaited my approval on the clothes.

"Relax Alice, you did great. Thank you. I love them. Even the shorts." I assured her. The shorts actually gave me the opening I needed. "Hey, you know, I was actually wanting to know if you wanted to go to the movies with me tomorrow. It'll be warm enough outside, even with the clouds, that I can actually wear my shorts tomorrow." I perked up my voice, hoping would grab at the bait.

Alice looked at me conflicted. "Oh yeah? Hey well, I actually can't."

"Oh." I said. _Uh huh. _The feeling was stronger than ever now, screaming at me full force.


	6. Chapter 6 Confessions

**I own NOTHING of Twilight or it's characters or ANYTHING. I just write such crazy plots full of drama that it makes you crazy.**

**Chapter Six**

Confessions

Edward POV

I always loved running with Bella. I loved the look of exhiliration on her face, the way her hair blew back in the wind. As we approached the house I gently grabbed her hand, leading her to the front door.

As we walked through, entering the house, Carlisle was there to greet us as usual. He was the reason I was here today. I needed to talk to him. Someone other than Alice had to know, and I needed help figuring out what to do. I couldn't do this on my own. It was clear to me, that I was just not strong enough. Carlisle could always tell when I needed his help with something. I tried to seem inconspicuous as I listened to Carlise after he asked us how we were liking the house. As Bella answered him, I focused.

_Edward, do you need to speak with me alone? _Carlisle thought.

I barely nodded my head once.

_Is it serious?_

I nodded again, and was saved by Bella's love of football. I was about to tell her I loved her too, before she turned and started towards the living room. I turned to Carlise as he put his hand on my shoulder and gestured for me to enter his office. I was glad Bella was with Emmett, his mouth was loud enough to drown out any conversation I had. And thankfully, it would drown this one out. I walked in as Carlisle followed me. I made myself comfortable on the couch that was against a side wall in the room, and Carlisle took his chair behind his desk. He looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to spill the beans. I heavily sighed and rested my elbows on my knees, with my face in my hands. I could hear Carlisle struggling with the different thoughts in his head. He was on the path of something dangerous was near. That was believably serious. I, on the other hand, was going to be telling him something that was unbelievably serious.

_Oh dear. How much does he know? _Carlisle thoughts now seemed slightly frantic.

That caught my attention. I looked up from my hands curiously at him. "What do you mean?"

"No, I was just wondering how much information you may know or have on this danger that is coming." he asked me as he ruffled through some papers on his desk. He didn't really seem to be looking for anything, just trying to look busy. I sat there for a moment watching him. _Weird._ I thought.

"No, Carlisle, there no danger coming our way. And you know Alice would tell you before I even knew since she lives here."

"Your right son. So what is it that I can do for you?"

I sat there as my anxiousness rose in me. I could feel myself starting to panic a little. I was worried that this man, that I did see as my father, would be dissapointed in me. I as definitely more worried about making sure Bella never found out. But I was not looking foward to seeing the look on Carlisle's face when I tell him.

"I, uh...", I was struggling for the words. "Carlisle, I've done something horrible. Something that as a man...somthing that as Bella's husband, is extremely horrible." I was afraid to look up at him, so I kept looking at my hands.

"Edward, I know you. You are a very strong man, and I know that you love Bella. And I also know Bella, and I love her as if she were my own daughter. And I know she is a extremely strong individual. So whatever it is, you two can work through it. And son, please don't take this wrong, but you do tend to overreact to some situations. So it may not be as bad as you think."

"Carlisle, I cheated on Bella."

"Oh dear. How long?"

"Honestly? It started before she was even born." I confessed.

Carlisle looked at me with a mixture of confusion and shock. If I wanted to deny it, I could say that I didn't see won't iota of dissapointment in his face. But I couldn't deny it. I looked back down in shame.

"I honestly don't know what to do Carlisle. I don't want to be this man. This is a typical man! And I don't want to be typical. And your wrong, I'm not strong. I'm not strong at all."

Just then there was a tap at the door. I knew it was Esme before the door even opened.

_I won't say anything to Esme, but I do think you should tell her. She feels like a she is your mother, so telling her something like this will make her feel needed. _Carlisle thought.

Esme came in, gliding around Carlisle's desk, to give him a kiss on the head. "How are my boys doing?" She seemed chipper and calm. And I was about to destroy that.

"Esme, dear, Edward has something to tell us. I just now heard it myself, but I have yet to hear the details." He glaned my way, and motioned for me to continue.

A look of worry that only a mother could achieve, washed over her and she hurriedly sat next to me on the couch. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and lightly rubbed circles on my back. It was comforting. I really felt like they were my parents, and after all our years together, I really felt like I could talk to them about anything.

"Okay, what I had just told Carlisle, is that I cheated on Bella." I barely peeked up to look at her face. Mostly shock. And thought I knew she loved me, the dissapointment was all over the place with Esme.

Esme was the first to say anything, "With who, dear? Why?"

"Please, please, understand Esme, that I don't feel any better than vile scum right now. I really don't know why I did it. Why I kept doing it. Like I told Carlisle, it started before I even met Bella. Remember when we were in Danali, and how Tanya would always make advances towards me?" Esme hissed as I continued. I knew she didn't like Tanya. She never really did. She just tolerated her.

"Well, I guess I could only say no, so many times. And I ended up sleeping with her."

Esme chimed in, "So you lost your virtue to Tanya?".

"Yes."

Esme gasped and Carlise's eyebrowns furrowed. They automatically thought of Bella. Both of them almost had the same exact thoughts. Both knew that that had meant that Bella wasn't my first, even though everyone, including Bella, had thought that. And then it occurred to Esme, once she thought of my wording when I told them.

"Wait, you said that it _started_ before you met Bella. Are you saying that it's still ongoing?" She looked at me, slightly angered.

I started to panic a little more now. Carlisle was controlled, and seemed to understand, but Esme's thoughts seemed to get more and more uncontrolled.

"Yes, it's still ongoing. Not frequently. Last time was about eight months ago. Give or take a few weeks. Alice knows, of course. She saw it. But she's been keeping this secret for me, so that it doesn't hurt Bella. Alice knows how much I love Bella. And the only reason I kept sleeping with Tanya, is because he knew that I had told Bella that nothing had ever happened between me and her! And now, in order to keep her quiet, I've been sleeping with her here and there." I breathed in deeply, and blew it out hard and quick. I sat there as I let their thoughts go through everything. I wasn't going to reply to any of their questioning. Esme got up, and started pacing back and forth in the room. Carlisle had set back in this chair, tapping his pen, as he tried to think of a way out of this.

"You have to tell her!" Esme had stopped and was looking at me.

"Who? Bella?!" I really started to panic now. I agreed with Esme that I needed to tell Bella. However, just because I would be slightly honest in coming to the truth with her, didn't mean she wouldn't rip my throat out. Literally.

"Yes Bella. As someone who vowed to love her and be honest with her and to care for _no one_ but her, _you_ have to tell her before she actually finds out on her own. If she finds out on her own, it will kill her." Esme was back to pacing the floor again.

"She's right Edward. You do have to tell her. And I can only hope for Esme's sake, you tell her soon. Although we are very thankful that you have enough trust in us to be able to come to us with something like this, it's not fair in the slightest to ask us to keep your secret too." Carlisle had gotten up out of his chair and walked around to sit on the corner of this desk, facing me. "I only think it's fair that you tell Bella immediately. As soon as you can. I don't suggest doing it here, because this is something that the two of you need to deal with together, without outside help. Like I told you before, I believe you both are very strong indviduals, and I think you could get through something like this."

Esme had stopped pacing again and looked sternly at me. Like a mother. "I don't like this Edward. I know that you are not biologically mine, and that by the time I had you, you were seventeen years old for a few years already, but as long as we have been together now, I had hoped that some of our values had gotten through to you. I will not say anything to Bella, but I will be there for her when you do tell her. She's going to need people surrounding her that love her son. This is big. As a female, I can tell you that she is going to be extremely upset about this. Carlisle is right, the sooner you tell her, the better."

"Esme, I think your being a little harsh dear. He feels horrible enough. He doesn't need you drilling into his brain." Esme glared at Carlisle. This was the first time I had ever seen them like that towards each other.

"I love you both, but I have to go check with Alice and Rose to see if they need any help packing. Edward, please take care of things. Carlisle, I'll see you upstairs tonight.", and with that, the door opened and Esme had left. That hadn't sounded like an invite for Carlisle, it had sounded like a threat. He flinched as the door shut behind her, and then sighed, looking at me.

"I'm sorry Carlisle, I didn't mean for anything to happen." I stood up, ready to run away from everything.

Carlisle grabbed my shoulders and shook me until I would look him into the eyes. "Edward, look at me. You are my son. I don't care what anyone says. And when I told you over century before, that I would always be on your side, I meant that. What you did was wrong, yes. But it doesn't mean you don't deserve people in your court, fighting for you too."

I was going to thank him for everything when I heard glass shattering in the living room. As soon as I could blink, I was at Bella's side, panicing that Bella had gotten hurt. I looked her up and down, then realized that Bella had said that game was on, and I immediately looked at Emmett. "What happened?!" I asked.

When I noticed the t.v. busted, I barely listened as Emmett and Bella exchanged words. I could hear Alice upstairs faintly.

_Edward, if you are paying attention, or can hear me right now, you have to turn your phone off! Bella is already determined to find out what going on. _She thought.

"And what have you been up to?" Bella asked me.

"I hung out with Carlisle and Esme for a little bit, then Alice needed to talk to me." I knew it was possible, but with all the stress from trying to make sure Bella didn't find anything out was eating at my emotions. I tried to keep distance from Jasper, and Alice helped with that often so that we could keep this between me and Alice, at least until I told Bella. "Was Jasper in here at all? I haven't seen him."

"I haven't seen Jasper at all. I feel horribly rude. We got here and I didn't do anything except rush to the couch. I'm sorry. Did I miss anything? What did Alice need?"

That wasn't a question I needed her to ask. Oh how I wish I could just read her mind like everyone else. It would make things so much easier sometimes. "It was nothing. She was wanting my approval on a couple of outfits that she had bought for you. I have to say, she has outdone herself this time. She appealed to how she wants you to dress, to how you like to dress. I think you will like them."

I suddenly recieved one kiss so passionate that it almost made me forget all my issues. With unbelievably horrible timing, my phone vibrated. I tensed a little as Bella looked down between us, and reached for her phone. I knew it was mine. I should have acted like I thought it was hers, but I stopped her hand before she could reach it.

"It's mine, love."

"Well you should answer it then, and tell them they have really, really bad timing." She sounded so seductive at that moment. I almost did what she told me.

"It's probably nothing." I shrugged. I was going to have to talk to Tanya. At the very least she needed to stop calling and texting me all the time. She knows I'm with Bella all the time. What is she trying to do to me?

"Just answer it Edward. Oh, I'm sorry. Is it something I'm not supposed to hear?"

Oh god Bella, just let it go, I thought. Please, something save me. Please, please, please. Then, as if Alice could read my mine, she called for Bella to come upstairs. _Thank you, Alice!_ I thought.

As Bella ran up stairs, I waited until I was sure she couldn't see me and I flipped my phone open quickly.

T: _Edward, I'm coming over now. I'll be there in a few minutes._

Dammit. She can't fucking come here! E: _No no, do not come here. Everyone is here, including Bella. I'm going to leave the house and go out into the woods, I'll call you when I found a place for us to meet. Do not set foot near this house!_

I quickly shoved my phone in my pocket and glided to the door, lightly closing it behind me as I rushed from the house, through the woods.

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	7. Chapter 7 The Actual Day My Heart Died

**Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight!**

**Chapter Seven**

The Actual Day My Heart Died

Bella POV

"Why can't you go to the movies?! We never get to go out just the two of us." I tried to make my voice slightly whiney. I felt bad about doing it, but I only had so much to work with when it came to Alice. I was hoping guilt would be one of them.

"Because Bella, Rose and me have tickets to an _extremely_ high fashion show in Milan. It took me _years_ to get these tickets. I've been on the waiting list before you even knew us. So don't sit there and start whining about why we didn't get tickets for you. Besides, you would have been complaining the whole time and not making it any fun, and you know it.

Alice turned away from me, and went back to folding different pairs of clothes and neatly putting them into what could presumably be one of the most expensive suitcases I had ever seen. Why did she have to do this stupid fashion thing now? Of all the times that I _really_ needed my sister, why now? That's a good question. _Why now?_ If this fashion show was such a big deal, Alice of all people would most certainly say something about how excited she was. Even Rosalie would at least _mention_ it at some point in these past years. I had to make her stay somehow. Or at least...

I started again, "Well hey, when do you have to leave? Do you think maybe we could have a going away lunch? Just to hang out." To add to my dramatic, sisterly pleading, I glanced down at my feet. "I mean, I'm going to miss you while your gone. There will be nothing but the boys here. And none of them like to hang out with me except Edward."

Alice dropped the shirt she was folding and faced me. I would have thought that maybe guilt had gotten to her, but the look on her face told me otherwise.

"Bella, don't do that. I love you, but I have to get on the plane soon. Both me and Rose are running late enough as it is. And you acting like we _never_ hang out. How many times have I asked you to go do something with me or with me and Rose. Or even with me and Jasper! Very rarely do you say yes, and even then, if there is any shopping what so ever envolved, you close up and gripe the whole time. Like I said, I love you, you are my sister in my heart of hearts, but hanging out with you or trying to get you to hang out with me, is starting to become a chore. Now if you _really_ want to hang out, it will have to wait until after we get back. Hand me that make up bag behind you."

I stared at her astonished. That tiny black feeling in my stomach got slightly bigger after her monologue of chewing me out. I turned and grabbed the bag off her bedroom vanity and tossed it to her.

"Thank you." she chimed.

I don't think I can recall a time when Alice was like that with me. Ever. I mean, even with James, or Victoria, or the Volturi, she would get like that when she was stressed. But this seemed like this was completely directed towards me, and it sounded fishy. I say this because Alice hasn't to my knowledge, held it against me that I didn't like to go shopping. She always assured me that it was no big deal because she had Rosalie who loved shopping, and if Rosalie was busy, she always had Jasper who knew not to say a word if she dragged him on one of her shopping sprees. And to me, Alice was a very genuine person who never lied to anyone except if it was absolutely necessary. Like being a vampire. And even then, she had a hard time lying about that. She would just beat around the bush and omit truths in her answers to where she was telling the truth, just not the whole truth.

"Are you okay Alice? I mean, I didn't know that me not going shopping or whatever, meant that much. I always assumed that you had other people more than willing to go, so it wasn't that big of a deal to you. Why didn't you ever tell me?

"I'm fine Bella. Really. I'm not mad at you. I promise. _You_ have done nothing wrong. I'm just a little stressed out, and I had had all my stuff packed for this and the weather changed the day we are going to be there, so I have to repack everything. So does Rosalie. That's why we're running late. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you.

Alice flighted over to me and hugged me tight. I wanted to believe her, but something just didn't seem right. And then another click went off in my head. What did she mean by _"You have don't nothing wrong."_ That bugged me. I gingerly pulled away from Alice, holding on to her shoulders as I looked at her.

"Hold on. What did you mean by 'You have done nothing wrong'? Do you know something?" I started to panic a little now. "Is that why your leaving? Oh my god, it's the Volturi isn't it?!"

I could tell that Alice was trying to come up with some explanation in her head for what she had said. Something about the way she said 'you', made me feel uneasy as the tiny black hole in my stomach got bigger.

"Bella, it's nothing! I swear to it. I was referring to the airlines. They haven't been very helpful today. Since we had to repack, causing us to be late, I was hoping that they would work with me in finding another flight to Milan. Of course they were as difficult as ever, and it's just got me aggrivated. It's really nothing."

I felt a little easier. I don't know why I was suspecting Alice of conspiracy so badly.

She swiftly turned away from me, closing her suitcase and quickly zipping it shut. "Rose!! Let's go!" She picked up her belongings in one swift movement and stopped to look at me before quickly glidding out of her bedroom.

Okay. Well, so much for getting Alice alone. After all that, I wasn't sure if I was still thinking she knew something, or if I should let it all go. After I had stood in Alice's room for what seemed like a long time, I finally decided that I had had enough of the thoughts in my head, and decided to go find Edward. I was ready to go home and just be with him. I was being silly, and I needed to start thinking and doing things to distract me.

I headed for the stairs and had reached the bottom just as Alice and Rosalie were hugging everyone goodbye. Everyone was wishing them a fun and safe trip and I skipped over to say my goodbyes too. It had taken years, but Rosalie was finally starting to warm up to me without seeming forced with it. She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.

I turned and gave Alice a big hug. "Please have lots of fun, and don't be shocked when I say this, but bring me a souvinier!"

We all stood on the porch as Rosalie zoomed out of the driveway and onto their vacation. We waved bye and turned to walk back into the house without a word. Everyone went back to what they were doing when it occured to me that Edward was not in the group. It had also dawned on me that I hadn't seen him or even heard him since I went upstairs to talk to Alice. I walked into the living room where Emmett and Jasper were sitting on the couch.

"Hey, have either one of you seen Edward?" I knew my voice sounded uneasy, which of course, led Jasper to look at me with concern. Over the years, I had come to appreciate Jasper. Even though I had uncanny ways of contolling my emotions, sometimes they would get the best of me, and Jasper would help me out. Also, he'd come to be more comfortable around me after the accident years ago. It was all forgotten now, and we had actually become good friends. I had two wonderful big brothers now, that I knew would do almost anything for me. Which flooded my emotions with graciousness that I had people like them in my life. Emmett was always there when I needed to rebel and have fun, and Jasper was always there for me to talk to. Granted I had Alice, but Jasper was someone I confided everything in, because it was useless not to. He already knew everythin I was feeling and he was great and talking me through things. I was truely blessed.

Emmett piped up this time. "No, I haven't seen him since he left earlier."

Edward left? He didn't even say anything. I mean, I know he doesn't _have_ to say anything, but still. Why _didn't_ he? I could feel Jasper's eyes burning a hole through me.

"You okay Bella?" Jasper asked me.

"I'm fine. It's just...I mean, did he say where he was going?"

Jasper and me both looked at Emmett at that point. It seemed that Jasper was just as curious as I was. "Nope. I was just coming back to the couch when he was walking out the door. I didn't bother asking him because I didn't care. I'm not his babysitter, although he might need one."

Emmett laughed at his own joke. I glanced at the front door, somewhat worried now. I had no reason to worry, but I didn't know where my existence was. I could feel my melodramatic ways, creeping up inside me. Jasper jumped up from the couch and rushed over to me. Holding my shoulders with his hands.

"Its fine Bella, knowing Edward and how much he likes to get you things, he probably went out for a sporadic gift." Jasper smiled sweetly and I could feel his magic working as I instantly felt a wave of calming emotion take over me. I took a deep breath and nodded in agreement with Jasper.

"Your right."

"Geez Bella, get a grip on it. I swear you act like you guys are joined at the hip like some sort of-"

I smacked Emmett in the back of the head before he could finish. "I'm gonna go for a walk. I'm bored here, what with Emmett's bad jokes and lack of humor." I rolled my eyes and started for the door. I had made it just outside to the porch when Jasper stopped me in my tracks.

"Bella, what's going on? I know when your not feeling right. Do you know something? Is there danger coming?" I could hear the panic in Jasper's voice. Of course he worried about danger, especially with Alice not near him.

"No, no! Jasper it's okay. I'm okay. It's just...I don't know. Yes, something isn't right with me, but I don't have any clue what that something is. I have this feeling. I'm not sure what to make of it. Some dark, black pit of a feeling in my stomach. It started out small, but it's been getting bigger and bigger. It's been bugging me. It started yesterday, when Edward came home. I heard him come in, he seemed in a bad mood. He almost acted, suspicious. I don't know. It turned out to be nothing, but then..." I looked up at Jasper. I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk to him about what came next. However, I knew he could feel my apprehension.

"Bella, tell me."

"God, I really can't believe I'm about to talk to you about this. Please, for the love of god, do _not_ tell anyone about this! I am serious. Don't tell Alice, don't tell Edward I talked to you about this. This is more important that anything we have ever talked about." I paused, looking intently at him, making sure that he understood.

"I promise you Bella, I will not, nor would I, betray your trust. I understand the seriousness of this just by your emotions, so I swear on my life, this is just between us."

I took in a deep breath and braced myself for what could be one of the most vulnerable moments of my life. "Okay. Like I was saying, Edward came home yesterday after you guys went hunting. He just seemed...off. After a little while, I brushed it off, thinking maybe Emmett had said something to really piss Edward off. That's the only thing I could think of. But then, Edward came into the closet and from what I can only describe as, he sexually attacked me. And it wasn't like I didn't enjoy it. It was just that he has _never_ been like that. There's a freaking hole in the wall of our closet! The way it all went down, just didn't seem right to me. It was so forced and aggressive. Like he was talking some sort of anger out on me during sex. And after all was said and done, we didn't speak to each other at all the whole night. He didn't even look at me!"

Jasper looked at me with nothing but concern, which made me feel better about telling him all this. It made me feel like he was on my side. Not that there was a side, it's just eased the situation.

"And then this morning, before we came over, he went to the bathroom to take a shower. Again, not saying a word or even looking at me. And I know that there isn't anything wrong with him taking a shower, but you and I both know how he is. I felt, self concious. And then to make me think more, he locked the bathroom door. He has never done that. Now I don't know about before I met him."

Jasper cut in, "No, I've never heard him or seen him lock any door. He didn't get angry once while hunting. We actually didn't do much at all. However, I sensed something wasn't particularly right with Edward either. I couldn't put a finger on it, and we both know how well Edward can control his feelings. Everything seemed fine though until his phone went off. I think it was a text message, because he didn't answer the phone at all and seemed to get aggrivated after that. He said he had to go and called it a night after that."

"Well that explains the phone." I countered.

"What do you mean?"

"While Edward was in the shower this morning, after he had locked the door, it made me start thinking all irrationally. I saw his phone sitting by the bed, and not really thinking straight, I decided to look through it." I could see the look of dissaproval in Jasper's face when I said that. "What?! I know! I told you I was being irrational and wasn't thinking straight. Anyways...when I opened his phone, it was off. Again, that was weird, I've never known him to turn his phone off. And then once it was on, there was a passcode on it. He's never done that either. So that's when I really started thinking something was wrong. See, I had thought the same thing you thought. That there was danger nearby. But then Alice started acting weird, like she knows something too. I don't know Jasper. I feel like I'm being stupid. But I can't ignore or deny that black pit in my stomach."

Jasper was looking down then. He was obviously trying to figure out things himself as well. "I'm not sure either Bella. It could be nothing. Yes, it all seems weird, but it could just be something with him. Everyone, even vampires...", he smiled to himself a little at that one, "...has some enternal issues sometimes within themselves. And sometimes it has nothing to do with anyone else. I would say midlife crises, but he's what, 125 now, 130?!" Jasper chuckled that time, as did I. I needed a laugh right now.

"Thanks Jasper. I'm glad I talked to you...again. I know I always say that."

"It's my pleasure Bella. You know I'm always here for you. So where were you heading off to anyways?"

"I don't know. I think I was just going to walk around. I'm still trying to get used to this whole never sleeping thing. It tends to get pretty boring at times, and I'm still trying to figure out things to do to pass the time."

"Okay, well if you find Edward while your out, I hope you guys figure things out."

"Thanks Jasper. I'll see you in a little bit."

And with that, I trotted down the steps and out into the woods. I really didn't have a certain direction I was going. As I walked, I thought about how thankful I was to get that all out and off my chest. I relied on Jasper more than I thought. It made me feel better. I decided a good place to go to would be Edward's meadow. I knew that I could go there and just lay down, sun beaming down on me, and relax. After talking with Jasper, I needed to just chill out for a little bit. Plus, for all I knew, Edward might be there as well.

Since I had finally decided where I wanted to go, I pulled my phone out and called Edward. I had thought that maybe I should call him before I got to the meadow, in case he wanted to be alone. Which is what I would give him if that's what he wanted. I'd do anything for him. I hit the 1 on my speed dial and listen for the ringing to start. It took a moment, but then I heard Edward's polite and simple greeting as his phone went straight to voicemail. His phone was off again? What the hell? The black pit grew bigger.

If Edward was at the meadow, I didn't care how drowned in whatever was going on with him he was, I wasn't going to go another minute without him explaining why his phone is always off now. That really annoyed me. What if there was danger nearby, and I was about to be burned at the stake and was only given one phone call before I died. His phone would be off and I would never be able to talk to him again. It wasn't right.

I had started to run at this point, when a scent stopped me dead in my tracks. Edward? He was here. Not long ago either. There was something else too. Something I couldn't pinpoint. Being that I had caught onto Edward's scent, which I was so atune to it was insane, I started to run again, it made me eager that I knew that it was leading me to the meadow. As I ran there, that other scent that I was not familiar with got stronger, more potent. I slowed my pace as I came to the meadow. If Edward was alone with his thoughts, I didn't want to startle him. I gingerly walked through the last couple of trees, where I came to the edge of our meadow.

If I had a beating heart, it would have died just now.

"Edward?"

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AN: Oh nuh uh! What just happened!?! Read and review!!! MUAH!


	8. Chapter 8 Weakness and Pain

**Stephanie Meyer owns all things having to do with Twilight and it's characters.**

**Chapter Eight**

Weakness and Pain

Edward POV

"I can't believe your doing this to me. I thought the last time was the last time. You promised me Tanya. What the hell am I supposed to do? This is getting way out of hand!"

As I pleaded with Tanya over the phone, I ran through the woods from Carlisle's house, I tried to think of what I could do. Tanya had so adamantly told me that she was coming to me. I couldn't let that happen. Bella was there. And granted I had been lucky enough for her not to find out this long, my luck was sure to run out. Bella was a intuitive person, and if given the chance, she would find this out. Thankfully Alice had let me know that Bella was going to start getting nosy and ask her about what might be going on, therefore Alice made plans to go to Milan just in time. Alice was my personal savior in all this. She had know everything. Now Carlisle and Esme knew. I wasn't planning on Esme knowing. I was hoping that Carlisle would give me some sound advice and I could end this all, with non the wiser. However, Esme did know, and I can't say that I wasn't extremely ashamed to have dissapointed my rightly appointed adopted mother. But they were right. I had to finish what what was going on with Tanya, and tell Bella everything. Even if it meant that it wouldn't work out for me.

As I got to the meadow, I sat down on a nearby boulder as I listened to Tanya's words through the phone.

"Edward, I wasn't lying when I told you that I'm not looking to ruin your life. I just need to see you, one last time. I know that you want this to end, and call me selfish, but I can't help that I've been in love with you from the very beginning. It hurts that I can't have you like she does."

" 'She' has a name, and it's Bella. 'She' is also my wife, Tanya. I seriously can't keep doing this. People are getting hurt."

"Like I said, one last time. I'm serious. Where are you? I'm almost there."

"Stop at least a mile before the drive that leads to Carlisle's. No one can know that you are here. Just get out of the car and come through the woods. You should be able to follow my scent from there to a meadow. I'll be here waiting."

I shut my phone and sat there staring at it as I held it in my hands. It was clear to me that I was a weak man. I thought that once I had found Bella, my strength would rise and I would be a new man. I was wrong. Being a vampire meant nothing, I was still as vile and typical as any human man. I can't help but regret ever meeting Bella. Not for me, selfishly I think of how unbelievably lucky I was to have met her. But for her. Yes, for her, because if I had been strong enough to not ever speak to her, to never be with her, she would have moved on. Moved on to anyone, but me. Therefore, she wouldn't be hurt by me. Something caught my attention and I took in a deep breath, breathing in the air. Tanya was almost here, I could smell her. God, she wasn't even here yet and I could smell her arousel. This woman was something else.

I stood up as Tanya approached the meadow. She took her time now, walking gracefully towards me. Tanya was indeed, beautiful. Her flawless, strawberry curls, perfectly framed an equisite face. Tanya stopped a few feet in front of me. She wore a slight smile that looked like she was both apologetic and happy. She was nervous, I could tell that much. She twitched and swayed back and forth as she stood in place.

"Edward, I-"

I threw my hand up, palm facing out towards her. "Tanya please. Everything your trying to say, you have said before. Why can't you let go? Move on."

"Pot calling the kettle black don't ya think?"

That slightly stunned me. She was right. Why the hell couldn't I be strong enough to say no even the first time? Why couldn't I let go of Tanya. She was never mine. Yes, losing my virtue to her many years ago, does make her a significant part of my life. But I thought it was a significant part that I wanted to forget. But then there was all the times after that, and then the two times after I met Bella. I know I had moved on, but for some stupid reason, I just couldn't let this shit go.

"Your right. However this does need to stop. Carlisle and Esme know now. Esme is dissapointed and Carlisle isn't too happy about it either. Do you realize what this could do to both covens if this turned badly? We have to end this now Tanya."

Tanya had walked the few feet, to where now her body was right up to mine. I could feel her breasts against my chest. I looked down at her, conflicted. "Last time."

I crushed my mouth into hers. I couldn't help myself. That was true. I knew what I was doing. And what I was doing was wrong. I could admit without a ounce of lying though, that Tanya was _nothing _compared to Bella. Yes, sex with Tanya was good, but making love to Bella was indescribable. And the sick thing was, ever since I met Bella, the now three times that I've been with Tanya, I thought about Bella the whole time. Even pictured that it was her instead so that maybe I wouldn't feel so bad. It didn't help.

Tanya had unbuttoned my shirt swiftly, but without breaking any buttons. She had known my rules. None of our clothes could be ripped and we had to go back looking as if nothing had happened. I paused from kissing her and lifted her shirt over her head. I quickly went back to kissing and nibbling on her neck, down to her collarbone. I grabbed a hold of Tanya's pert ass and lifted her as she wrapped her legs and arms around me. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with the thought of me and Bella last night. The scene quickly played in my head, literally knocking me off guard. I accidentally let go of Tanya, even though she had landed on her feet. I paused, shaking my head, trying to get the picture out of my head.

"Dammit."

"Edward, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Come on, let's get this over with."

"Oh geez, Edward, that was such a turn on. I don't know how I'll ever-"

"Shut up." I grabbed Tanya into my arms again and laid her down into the soft grass. I could feel the sun on my back as I kissed and licked all over her body. Grabbing and kneading what I could. Grasping her skirt, I yanked it up, shoving two fingers into her wetness. The smell of her was so strong and powerful, it flooded my mind to where I couldn't think of anything else. Slamming my fingers in and out of her folds, I reached up to my jeans and quickly released my throbbing cock from it's restraint. Pulling my fingers out, I spread her juices up and down my cock before positioning it. Everything was gone in my head at this point. I felt like an animal. An animal taking what I could. I thrust deep inside her, listening to the hiss that escaped Tanya's mouth.

"God dammit it!" I hissed as I thrust deeper into her with each buck. "Fuck."

"Oh god, Edward. Harder!" Tanya growled deeply.

"Edward?"

Without realizing at all what I was doing, I quickly turned my head towards the sound, letting out a deep animalistic growl.

And then what I saw turned me colder than ice. "Bella! Oh god Bella, no! Please, dammit!" I quickly got up, pulling my jeans up and trying to button them, but failing miserably. Oh god, this couldn't be happening.

There was Bella. Bella had found out. Bella was standing there motionless, pain dripping from her face. I saw Bella clutch at her chest, then turn and run.

"Bella wait!"

* * *

Bella POV

I couldn't belive what I was seeing. This was the last thing that would have ever crossed my mind. The only thoughts that crossed my mind as I stood there, was that everything was a lie. One, giant, horribly life altering, lie. I stood there, taken in the scene that played out in front of me. Edward, _my_ Edward, was in _our_ meadow. Except at this moment, he wasn't my Edward. He as a stranger, a stranger who was having sex with someone that I was never completely comfortable with. And now I realized why. Tanya was there with her stupid perfect hair, and her stupid, perfect body, writhing in pleasure under a man that was supposed to be mine. Or so I thought. I didn't know what I was supposed to say. Should I let them know that I was here? Should I turn and run, and pretend that none of this happened? Maybe I was having some horrific vampire nightmare. I mean, yeah, I don't sleep, but I could be in some weird different dimention of a daydream.

I could feel the strong lump stuck in my throat, deflecting any sound of horror that was wanting to escape my mouth. I could feel the pit of blackness had now taken over my entire body. I could feel the ache in my arms, in every inch of my bones. I hurt. I physically hurt. It was too much.

"Edward?", was all that would come out. What happened next made the pain intensify. Edward had heard me, and instead of saying anything to explain to me what was going on, a fierce, animalistic growl was thrown my direction. His eyes were pitch black with the desire he had for Tanya and what he was doing. That was all I could take. Even though I was a vampire, I felt like I couldn't breathe. My chest was hurting so bad, that if human, I might be having a heart attack. My hand flew to my chest, in a desperate hope to stop the throbbing pain taking over me. I had to get out of here. Without saying anything, I turned and ran as hard and fast as I could.

After about a year, my speed decreased slightly, yet I was still able to be just as fast as everyone else. It was only because my being a newborn had worn off. But I could feel the wind harder on my face. I was running faster than I'd ever have. I knew in my head it was because I couldn't see Edward right now. I had to make sure he didn't catch up to me. What was I going to do? I couldn't go home, that would leave me alone with Edward. I really couldn't speak to him right now. I couldn't even see him after that. I couldn't go to Charlie's. He was human, and something like this would not go well there. I was not calm enough to be around him right now. I only had one place to go, but that was _his _family. They would take his side, and I would be left alone. Alone to deal with the lie that was my life. Click.

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AN: I'm not going to lie. It pains me to write Edward as an A-hole. However, I'm highly addicted to drama/angsty stuff, so I had to endulge myself. R/R!!!


	9. Chapter 9 Personal Saviors

**Stephanie Meyer is the owner of all things Twilight and it's characters. I just make them more angsty and fluffy. **

**Chapter Nine**

Personal Saviors

Bella POV

As I approached Carlisle's, I slowed down to a jogging pace, lightly stepping up the steps quickly, and making my way through the front door. I didn't want to talk right now, much less bring attention to me while I was so emotionally unstable right now. So I quietly closed the door behind me. I stood there momentarily, resting my head against the front door. Still clutching onto the doorknob, I took in deep, heavy breaths. I was extremely thankful that it was impossible for me to shed tears. Granted I was hurting enough to cry, I was sure that if I could cry, I wouldn't be able to keep quiet right now.

After I had gotten my breathing under control, I finally turned to face the open space of the foyer the lead into the rest of the Cullen household. I still had the aching pain all over me. It wouldn't stop. It was bearable now, but it was now a nagging pain, that stayed seeping through my veins, crushing my bones.

"Bella?"

I was caught off guard, not really paying any attention to the sounds or scents around me. So when Jasper said my name, it surprised me, causing me to jump a little. My head shot up from the floor, gasping as I looked at Jasper standing in front of me. Concern was written all over his face. There was no use in telling him that nothing was wrong, or trying to avoid him by running upstairs or trying to leave. He could feel my pain, and from the look on his face, I sensed he was now in pain being so close to me.

"Bella, what is going on? Your in pain...horrible...pain." It souded like he was asking me if I was really in this bad of pain. It was probably taking him off guard and I was feeling guilty now for making the choice to come here instead. I just didn't know where else to go.

"Jasper, I'm...I'm sorry. You should get away from me. I should go, you don't need to feel this, it's...it's too much." The words flowed apologetically out of my gaping mouth.

As I turned to grasp at the door, trying to make my escape, Jasper immediately grabbed my arm, spinning me around, and into his arms. His embrace was so strong, that I didn't have the strength to care to fight him. After a moment, I attempted to push him away, beating lightly at his chest, trying to make him see that I wanted to be left alone. It was no use though, his arms tightened around me, holding me closer to him. I started to feel the beginnings of a wave of calming sensation. It helped a little. Which was nice. Normally I liked to work through my emotions myself, I was good at it. But not right now. I needed Jasper to help me stop the pain. It was hurting so bad.

"Bella, what happened? Your pain is so much, I'm having trouble calming you down. You've never been like this. I've never _felt _anyone like this! You have to tell me what is wrong!"

"I...Edward...oh god Jasper! It hurts so bad!" I was sobbing now. I couldn't help it. If I were human, I would have tear pouring down my face and snot coming out of my nose I was sobbing so hard. Jasper tried to pull me towards the stairs, but I wasn't budging. I couldn't move now that I had let the would-be floodgates open up. I slumped down to the floor at his feet, my head falling into my hands. I could hear the panic in Jasper's voice as he called for help.

"Carlisle! Emmett! Esme! Get down here now!" Jasper shouted to whoever could still be in the house.

Emmett was first to arrive from the living room. He's eyes bulged slightly as he saw me on the floor.

"What happened to her?!"

"I don't know. She hasn't been able to tell me yet, and she is in some extremely emotional pain. I've been trying to calm her down, but it's barely affecting her. She won't budge from where she's at. We need to get her out of the way of the door at least. Where's Carlisle?!"

"Esme and him went out to hunt for a couple of hours from what I heard. Here, I'll get her."

I barely paid attention as I felt Emmett's big arms scoop me up and carry me towards the living room. From behind the couch, Emmett laid me down, immediately going back to his questioning of Jasper. I laid there as I halfway listened to the panicky words back and forth at each other. They both knew that they had done nothing wrong, but the worry caused them both to start cussing at each other in frustration.

"What do you mean you _can't_ calm her down!?! Isn't that your fucking 'talent'?!" Emmett asked Jasper, slightly raising his voice as he made quotation marks with his fingers as he said 'talent'.

"Dammit Emmett, I told you I tried! She's in too much pain. I don't understand. What could have happened in ten damn minutes!?" Jasper countered.

I didn't want them getting into an argument over this. I knew my pain was hurting Jasper as well, and Emmett's frustration always caused his temper to flare up. I sat up slowly, scooting myself back, so that I could lean against the arm of the couch. "Stop it."

They both looked at me, Emmett leaning over the couch, and Jasper rushing around the front, to kneel beside me. Both stared at me expectantly, and I knew that I needed to get this out so that maybe Jasper could take the pain away. Maybe if he understood the reasoning, he could know what he could do to help me.

Emmett spoke calmly this time, "Bella, sis, what's wrong? You gotta talk to us."

I took in a deep breath, and closed my eyes. I didn't want to look at either one of them when I told them.

"I just wanted to go for a walk. That's all I wanted to do. I wanted to clear my head. I knew something was wrong. I freaking knew it! I could feel it, I could feel it deep down, something wasn't right. And then Jasper told me that Edward probably was off alone somewhere thinking. We thought maybe he was going through some things..."

I could see the confusion in Emmett's face. He hadn't known what I was talking about then. That was just between me and Jasper. And Jasper, my confidante, just held his hand up towards Emmett, shaking his head. Letting him know not to ask. Thank you Jasper.

I paused again for a moment before I continued. "I started running when I caught onto Edward's scent. So I followed it and it was leading me to the meadow. But when I got there...", I started breathing rougher again. Jasper grabbed my hand and Emmett's hand held onto my shoulder.

I exhaled hard, "But when I got there, he wasn't...alone." I turned towards Emmett now, sobbing again. Jasper shouldn't feel this. This wasn't his hurt. "Oh god, Emmett! Edward was there with Tanya! He was there, fucking her! He was on top of her and enjoing every second of it! _OUR MEADOW!_" I was screaming at this point. "And the first thing he does when he realizes I'm there is fucking growl at me. Like Tanya was _his_ and I was some stupid fucking stranger! Me! I can't believe he did this. Why would he do this?"

I could feel Jasper's squeeze on my hand tighten. I glanced at Jasper's pain stricken face. I _was_ hurting him. "Oh Jasper, I'm sorry! Please go. It's okay."

Along with the pain inflicted on me, I was now angry. Jasper didn't do anything to deserve this! And at this moment, I wished Edward had Jasper's gift. So he could be in pain instead of him. This wasn't fair for Jasper.

"She's right Jasper. Go, I got it for now." Emmett reassured him.

Jasper looked at me pained, yet making sure I was okay with this. I nodded, it was okay for him to go. "I'm still here Bella, just try to calm down, and I'll be back." Jasper squeezed my hand again before getting up and rushing up the stairs. Both me and Emmett stayed quiet for a long time. He didn't know what to say, I didn't know what I wanted him to say. There really wasn't anything that could be said.

"Bella, I'm sorry." Emmett quietly said. This startled me. I looked up at him, somewhat shocked. He had absolutely _nothing_ to be sorry for!

"Don't Emmett. You have no reason to say sorry. I don't even think I could here an 'I'm sorry' from Edward right now. I don't know what to do Emmett. What do I do?"

"I can't tell you that. I can tell you that both me and Jasper are here for you." He had now come around to sit down on the couch, pulling me into him to comfort me. "I knew that fucker was acting weird."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's just, when we were hunting yesterday, he seemed like he had a lot on his mind. And he was acting really weird once his phone went off."

"Yeah, that's what Jasper said. Why her? I mean, I can understand how he would want her more than me, she's beautiful-"

Emmett quickly interceded, "She's butt-fucking ugly Bella! Yeah sure, she's got pretty hair. Big fucking whoop. But she's a manipulative bitch, beat with an ugly stick on the inside. I don't understand why Edward would even entertain the thought of being with that bitch."

I could feel the angry rumble of a growl starting in his chest. Emmett was actually angry about this. And for some reason, this made me feel better. I felt better that I had people understanding me. On my side. Call it childish and selfish, but it made me feel better. And I needed to feel better.

"Fucking moron! What the hell is wrong with him!?"

"Its okay Emmett. I'm feeling better. I'm calmer now. I just don't want to see him for a while."

"To hell it's okay! You're one of the best things to happen to this family, and he's just going to throw it all away of some stupid shit like Tanya!?"

I sighed. Maybe Emmett wasn't the right person to be envolved in this. His short temper wasn't a surprise to anyone, and it was definitely rearing it's ugly head now. I could hear Jasper's footsteps as he crept slowly downstairs. He was obviously testing the aura in the air, seeing if it was emotionally safe for him to be in the same room with me now. I heard him sigh with relief, fulling descending the stairs now, coming back to the couch. A wave of calming emotions seeped through me, calming me even more. It was now just a dull pain that I felt.

"I'm glad your feeling better Bella." Jasper said as he came around the couch, sitting on the coffee table.

"I wouldn't exactly say I'm feeling better Jasper." I snapped.

"You know what I meant. It's just that pain so overwhelming to me, I could only imagine what it was doing to you."

Jasper and Emmett's heads both snapped up, and towards the front door. Emmett's lips pulled apart, hissing as he bared his teeth. I heard the front door open quickly, slamming shut as Edward entered the house.

"Bella! Bella, we need to talk!" Edward sounded out of breath, but I didn't care.

Jasper quietly mumbled into my ear. "Do you want to talk to him?"

"No."

Emmett must have heard the question, because once he heard me say no, he was up and in front of Edward so quickly, I didn't have time to stop him.

* * *

AN: Even though they are his brothers, it always seemed to me that Jasper and Emmitt are just EXTREMELY close and protective of Bella. So I had to write it that way. Because I like it! Read and Reply!!!!


	10. Chapter 10 Taking Sides

**I own none of the characters. Stephanie Meyer does. **

**Chapter Ten**

Taking Sides

Bella POV

"Bella! Bella, please, we need to talk!"

Edward was pleading with me as I sat still on the couch, staring into nothing. As he came around the corner, he caught sight of Emmett, Jasper, and me all there waiting for him. Edward squeezed his eyes shut as he seemed to be in pain.

"Please stop you guys. Please, I already know. Now leave so I can talk to Bella." Edward quietly pleaded with his brothers.

"No, you need to leave! Bella doesn't want to talk to you. _Tanya_? Really? What the hell were you thinking?!" Emmett boomly shouted at Edward, although I could barely make out the words due to Emmett's snarls and growls.

Edward's face shot up, glaring angrily up at Emmett. His hands were in fists and he was baring his teeth. "You can't stop me from talking to her!"

I don't know why, even through all the pain that I was in due to what Edward had done, I was still worried for him. I didn't want a fight to start out between him and Emmett. I looked at Jasper in hopes that he might calm the situation down, but was taken back when Jasper looked just as furious as Emmett. Suddenly I heard a whoosh of air escape Edward's mouth. I turned towards him at the sound, only to catch him on his knees, clutching at where his dead heart was.

"Oh god. What have I done?" I heard as Edward's body slumped lower to the floor. He was in excrusiating pain. What was happening? And then it occured to me. Jasper had his own ways of payback it looked like. I was really worried for Edward now, watching him brought back horrible memories from Italy that I's done best to forget.

"Jasper stop it. Stop!" I grabbed at his arm. Yanking on it for him to stop. He wasn't having it.

"No Bella, he needs to know exactly what he has done to you! Do you feel that Edward!? That's not made up pain, that's the pain that was actually crippling me even being in the same room with her! You did this! What were you thinking!?" Jasper hollard, and hissed his questions to Edward.

"I DON'T KNOW! I don't know." Edward was finally breathing normally, which meant that Jasper had finally stopped his attack on him. I still didn't want to talk to him, so I turned so I was facing away from him as he continued.

"Go away Edward. Please." I whispered, knowing he wouldn't listen.

"No Bella, please. We have to talk. I'm sorry! Please love."

Pain ripped though me, coursing through my body. If I didn't know better, I'd swear I'd turn into a wolf like Jacob with the way my body vibrated with anger. "Don't you dare call me that! You have NO RIGHT to call me that anymore! I'm not your _love!_ You know nothing about that. You never did."

Edward seemed slightly angry and my accusation, he swiftly passed Emmett, reaching to grab at my arm. Jasper immediately leaped over me and the couch, planting himself between me and Edward. I heard Edward's breath get caught again, and I assumed Jasper was making him feel the pain again. "Bella, talk to me. Jasper stop it! She's my wife, I have a right to talk to _my_ wife!"

Edward shoved at Emmett to get him away, lunging at Jasper to get him out of the way. But as he jumped, Emmett caught his leg, swinging Edward's body back, so that it slammed into the wall. I flinched, feeling bad for him. I couldn't help it. But I wasn't backing down. I was done. I was in too much pain, to even try. Edward shot back to his feet lunging for Emmett, but Emmett caught Edward again, planting a foot dead in the center of Edward's body, causing him to fly into the front door, breaking it down. Jasper and Emmett both left me on the couch, quickly gliding to the door. I could hear more rustling as Emmett and Jasper both fought to get Edward out of the house.

"Go home Edward! Give her some time before trying to talk to her. She's too emotional right now, and you being here is making it worse." Jasper shouted at him.

"I need to talk to her Jasper. I need her to know. Emmett get's you damn hands off of me!" Edward sounded frantic now.

"No, Jasper is right. Leave her alone for now. What you did man was wrong. Even I can't believe you did that. Edward, you fucked up. Now give her a chance to come to you on her terms. It's the least you can do right now."

It was quiet for the longest time, before I heard Edward exhale loudly. "Fine. I'll go." He paused for a moment before talking to me. "Bella, I know you can hear this, so I'll just say this. I'll be at _our_ home, waiting for you. I wait there until you show up. I don't care how long that is. I'm sorry." His next words were almost inaudible, but I still heard them. "I love you."

* * *

_Later that evening..._

I sat in Edward's room, laying in bed for hours now. His bed, this whole room, now felt unfamilar to me. I knew Edward was serious when he said that he would be home. That he wouldn't leave until I showed up to talk to him. However, that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. I can't believe I was so stupid that I thought I would be so lucky as to have mere danger coming. I would take on the Volturi over this any day. At least then I would just simply die and be over with it all. I had to live through this. And this sucked. No pun intended. Edward would say that. That pissed me off. I looked to the left of me, and sitting on a night table was a picture of us. It was taken a little while after I had met Edward. I was on his back, and we both wore big, goofy smiles on our faces. I remember when Esme had taken the picture, it was the first time I had taken Edward by surprise, jumping onto his back. It was a happy time, and that pissed me off more. I yanked up the picture, throwing it at the huge glass double doors, causing all the glass in the from to shatter in a million, tiny, noisy pieces. There was an immediate knock at the bedroom door.

The door opened slightly, and Esme poked her head through looking to survey the damage. "Bella? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Esme. I'm sorry about the glass."

"Don't be dear. We'll have it fixed tomorrow with no one the wiser." she assured me quietly and motherly.

All I could do was look down at my lap. I was sorry about doing that. I couldn't help it. I was still angry though, and even with Esme there, I was overwhelmed with the need to throw things. I shot up from the bed, crossing the tiny room to the shelves that held hundreds of cds and records. It was extremely childish, but I didn't care. I started grabbing handfuls of music, throwing them out into the darkening night. Over and over, loud crashes rang up to the room as more and more of his things hit the grassy floor below. I yanked at his stereo, causing it to rip from the wall it was plugged in, throwing it with more force outside. "Dammit!" I turned, grabbing as much more as I could throw. Books, journals, pictures, clothes. Anything I could get my hands on. It felt good to take my anger out like this.

"Bella honey, you have to stop. I know your hurting, but this isn't the way to deal with things. I'm sorry my son did this terrible thing to you. I truely am. But destroying things isn't going to erase the pain." Esme had now entered the room, and had started walking warily towards me.

"That's right Esme. _Your_ son! Why don't you go and comfort him! You don't seem very shocked that he did this. Did you know about this? Did you?!" I shouted angrily at her. It was extremely disrespectful. Especially after everything she had done for me.

Esme looked down at her feet, seemingly ashamed. "Yes Bella. I did know. Edward had come to Carlisle and me earlier today and confided in us what he had done."

"Then why didn't you tell me?! Didn't you care? Who all knew about this?" I pleaded.

"I'm sorry Bella. I really am. We didn't tell you because both me and Carlisle thought it fitting that Edward tell you himself. It was the only decent thing he could do for you in something like this. It really wasn't our place to tell you this. We wouldn't have gone hunting if we had thought that you would have found out like this. We had no idea that Edward was meeting with her today. Honestly, dear. It was clear to us when we came back home, that we should have been here. At least to mediate. It seems that his brothers are just as angry as you are with him. But this is none of anyone's business except you and Edward."

"His brother's were the only one's that were there for me! If it weren't for Jasper and Emmett, I would still be on the floor in horrible pain, unable to even move!" I screamed.

"I know Bella. But you can't hide behind Jasper and Emmett. It's not fair to the family or to Edward to pin his brother's against. him." She countered calmly.

I thought I hadn't heard her right. Did I slip into some fucked up universe or something? "Excuse me!? I'm not pinning _anyone_ against him! I can't believe you would say that to me. Oh wait, nevermind, I can. Because you see, even though you believe what Edward did was wrong, he is still _your Edward._ And of course, I'm just some human girl that married him and only became one of you a few years ago. Why on Earth would I ever believe that you would be on my side!"

"See, Bella, right there. I'm not on anyone's side. And I really don't appreciate how you are talking to me. Like I said, I understand why you are upset. But you need to deal with this _with_ Edward. I will not have this family in ruins just because of something that is going on between the two of you." And with that, Esme abruptly turned on her heels and swiftly left the room, shutting the door behind her.

I felt horrible. Not that I was supposedly pinning anyone against anyone, which I still believed she was wrong about, but for speaking to her the way that I did. The whole scene just now was bad. I should have never raised my voice to her, she was right. She also knew I was right though. It was obvious that her and Carlisle would think that their precious Edward had done nothing terribly wrong. They were acting like what he did was trivial. Something that we all could just look past and get over like that. I had to leave this house. I could be somewhere where I felt like I was in the wrong. It wasn't right. I could go home though. Home was pain. Pain I couldn't take anymore.

"Jasper. Emmett." I called out lightly.

In no time, the door had crept open, and both Emmet and Jasper both came in, closing the door behind them. Jasper was the first to speak, his words came out quietly.

"Bella, we heard you and Esme. Believe me, your not pinning us against anyone. We're here for you because we love you and we feel strongly about what Edward has done. It wouldn't be any different if it were Emmett or if it were me. What he did was wrong and there's no changing that. I'm only sorry that Esme feels the way she does." Jasper was already at the foot of the bed, rubbing small circles on my back.

"Yeah, you have to understand Bella. I don't think Esme is against you really, it's just that Edward is like her son son. Forget that he was the first of us around when Esme was changed, or that she's known him longer. We all see it, Esme feels deep down in her bones that Edward is like her blood son. Almost as if she gave birth to him herself. Not that she treats any of us differently, but the bond between Edward and Esme is as strong as any other Mother and Son relationship. And I think Carlisle really does want to stay out of it completely. He loves you both equally, and he doens't like seeing either one of you in pain. I literally haven't seen him since he and Esme got home. He's secluded himself in his office and hasn't come out since. No one wants to go in there because we all think maybe he's ashamed that his son has done something like this." He gestured towards Jasper. "Jasper thinks it's because he thought that he had instilled better values in Edward and might be thinking that this is his fault somehow. I don't know."

I looked at both of them, listening to their theories. They were right. I had overreacted. I knew it. I still had to get away though. "Yeah, I understand. I know I overreacted. It's clear to me now. And I hope that once I'm gone, you guys will tell Esme how sorry I am that I acted like that. I really didn't mean to talk to her like that."

"What do you mean _when you're gone_? Where are you going?" Jasper asked.

"I can't stay here anymore guys. I know that I _should_ talk this out with Edward, but I don't want to. It still hurts too much. I'm still in shock that he would actually do something like this. I need to be alone for a little while. And yes, I don't have anywhere to do, but I need to figure some things out. No, I don't know where I'm going to go, and no I don't know what I'm going to do."

That much was true. I had no clue what to do. It just felt right that I needed to do this.

"Is there anything we can do?" Emmett plopped down on the bed, sitting on the other side of me. He seemed seriously upset by this new developement.

"Yeah. I need to get some things to take with me. Money, clothes, passport. But I don't want to have to deal with Edward while I'm there. Can you guys help me just get my things so I can go?"

Both of them were quiet for a short moment. I took this as that they were debating whether or not they should.

"The only reason I want you there is so that Edward and me don't fight. Just be there to mediate. I'm still angry and I don't want to do anything to him. Once I'm gone, you guys can get together and figure stuff out. I know you guys love Edward, and he's your brother, and it would be easier for you all to work through this together without me around."

They briefly glanced warily at each other, and Jasper took in a deep breath.

"As long as you promise to just get your things, and not start anything with him, then yes, we can come with you so that you don't have to talk to him."

"Thank you."

And with that, it was decided. Tomorrow morning I would get up, and go get my things, and never look back.

* * *

AN: And never go back?!? WHAT!?!? She's so crazy... Read and Review!


	11. Chapter 11Truth Be Told, Bella's Fiesty

**Chapter Eleven**

Truth Be Told, Bella's Fiesty

It had been a few more hours after Jasper and Emmett left the room, and I still hadn't moved from the bed. The only thing that had moved, was my cell phone that my hands had been fiddling with. I stared at the little black, folded phone, debating enternally whether or not to call him. The pain made me not want to talk to him. I didn't want to hear his 'I'm sorry' and I didn't want his excuses either. Secretly I did wonder why he did it. But even that scared me as to what the answer would be. I always knew Edward was too good for me, and his answer would confirm it.

However, I did want to talk to him. My rational side, the side that was still in love with him, wanted to talk things out. I wanted to at least tell him that I was leaving. Discuss certain things about getting my things from the house, and places I might move. I also wanted to know who all knew. It was obvious that his brother's didn't know, which for some reason was odd to me. I didn't know for sure about Alice and Rosalie though. Alice had conviently left town, and before that had acted just as weird as Edward. Rosalie was normal though, her usual 'pleasant' self. I smiled at the sarcasm and fiddled with the phone some more.

Suddenly my phone vibrated, and I looked at the caller i.d., already knowing who it was. Flipping the phone open, I put the phone up to my ear.

"Hi." His voice was so shakey, I felt so bad for him. I hated that.

"Hey. It's weird that you called-"

"Not really" he interrupted. "Alice called me and told me that you had decided to call me, but then changed your mind. It was driving her nuts because apparently you have been going back and forth for a few hours now. So...I decided to just get it over with, and call you myself."

"Glad to hear the enthusiam." I heard Edward sigh on the other end. "I'm sorry, that wasn't necessary."

"Bella, anything you say to me or do to me is completely necessary right now. Bella, I'm-"

"Stop." I interrupted him. This was exactly what I didn't want. "I don't was this conversation to be _that_ conversation. I'm not ready yet."

"You just wanted to tell me your leaving." He sounded so heartbroken, I almost changed my mind and ran to the house that instant.

"Alice told you?"

"Yes. Bella, I understand that you are hurting right now, and that you don't want to be anywhere near me. I accept that. I've done enough, and I don't want to upset you more, so if letting you leave is what makes you happy right now, then so be it."

"Thank you. I don't know how long I'll be gone. I don't even know where I'll go. I don't know how to go about this Edward. Should we see an attorney?"

I heard him take in a sharp breath. "An attorney? For what? Bella, are you wanting a divorce?!"

"No, no! No, Edward. I don't want a divorce. At least...I don't think I do. It's just that, I know for sure that I can't be with you right now. It hurts to much, and I do need to be on my own for a while. A long while. So we need to legally seperate."

"Bella that's not necessary. You can have full access to the accounts to use the money as you wish, and you can take anything you want. I don't want to seperate Bella. I love you. I know you don't want to hear all this right now, but I have to get it out. I. Love. You. No one but you. What happened with Tanya was a lifetime of mistakes. I really was trying to break it off with her. And then I fucking growled at you! I can't believe I even did that! I-"

"Wait. What did you just say? Did you say _mistakes_? With an 's'? As in plural? As in more than one time!?!" My voice had gotten a little louder at that point.

"Bella, this is really something we shouldn't discuss over the phone, we really need to talk face to face."

"No, because if we talk face to face, someone's face is going to end up in pain. Now tell me what you're talking about." I felt the anger rising in me.

"Bella, please-'

"Talk Edward."

I heard Edward take in a long, deep breath, and exhale loudly as he braced himself for what he was about to tell me. "Bella, I really wanted us to sit down and talk about this in person. I really don't want to do this over the phone, you don't deserve 'over the phone'."

"Please Edward, just spit it out.'

"Okay. Yes, there has been more that the one time with Tanya. It was five times."

"In the meadow? You fucked her FIVE times in that short of a time?!"

"No Bella. Five different times. I-...remember back when Rose told you about her human life?"

"Yes. That's when I first heard about Tanya."

"Okay, well it started then. Well, no, not then. That's when she showed her interest in me. And it never stopped with her. Once she decided she wanted to be with me, she never let up. First time was because I was bored. Second time was a few years after that, again, because I was bored. Third time was...dammit...the third time was when I left you in the woods. It wasn't because of her, I swear. I really did want to give you the chance at a happy, normal, human life. But while I was in South America, Tanya found me. And to try to ignore the pain of needing you, I slept with her again. Then she promised that there would be no more. She promised me this after me and you got back together. I explained to her how much you meant to me and that what ever happened between me and her was over. And then she came to the wedding. Which I knew she would, but the whole time she was there, all I could hear were her thoughts and all she did was replay over and over again our encounters with each other. Then at the reception, she got mad because I wouldn't talk to her. I knew she was jealous, and for some reason, that pleased me. So I flaunted you in front of her, and in the end it backfired on me. She said she was going to tell you about us and I couldn't let her do that. So then came the fouth time."

"At our _wedding_! Edward, how could you! And...wait...wait, hold on. You lied to me."

"Yes Bella and I'm sorry."

"No, you lied to me. Edward, you made the biggest fucking deal about not sleeping with me until after we were married because you wanted to do whatever you could to make into heaven if there were the slightest of chances. And that included saving your supposed 'virtue'. And there wasn't even one to save you asshole!"

"Bella, please, listen. I'm sorry, I promise, that to me, I really was saving my virtue. I don't consider my first time to be with her, I consider it with you! You have to believe me."

"Save it Edward. Tomorrow morning, I'll be there to get just a few things to get me by for now. I will be leaving after that, and you are _never_ to call me." And with that I slammed my phone shut and shoved it on the bed next to me. That did it. I was done with Edward for good, and when I was ready, I would be sending him papers to sign for divorce. I couldn't believe what I had just heard. I had been lied to from the very moment I met him. My whole existence with him had been lie after lie. Nothing with him was real.

* * *

I didn't know what I was thinking. Rage had taken over and before I knew it, I had flown out of Edward's room, out into the night. I felt like one of those horses with those blinders on their eyes. All I could see was my destination. However, I didn't really know what I was going to do or say once I got there.

It took a while, but after sifting through all the books in his room, I finally came across an address book that had names of people that Edward and his family had met through the years. It was kinda funny, he actually had Charlie and Rene's address and phone numbers. After finding her address, I had to quietly go downstairs and actually find where it was. I didn't know exactly how to get there, and I wasn't familiar enough with her scent to find her that way.

I had a feeling why I wanted to see her. It was probably because I wanted to hear what she had to say for herself. Why she thought that she could stake claim on what was mine. It didn't matter anyways, I would tell her that she could have him. If he wanted to go through enough trouble to lie to me so much just to sleep with her, then obviously, he wanted her more than he was letting on. Therefore, she could have him.

As I ran through the vast terrain of land, different things occured to me. What exactly would I say to her? Would she reveal more than what Edward has? Are there more secrets? Facing her would mean me facing one of the biggest doubts I've had since meeting Edward. That Tanya was prettier than me. More desirable than me.

As I ran, a faint scent stung my nose. It was official, to me, Tanya smelled worse that Jacob. I ran slower now. I had come here on pure rage, pure hate. As I got closer, the scent getting stronger, anxiety started creeping up inside me. I really had no clue what I was going to do. I hated this woman so much. Tanya was literally the stake to my dead heart. In front of me, not far in the distance, a large white and grey stone house came into view. It looked like an old house. Possibly over a hundred years, but had obviously been fixed up. To someone like me, it looked like it had been fixed up to suit vampires. To other people, it just looked fixed up. Her scent was strong around the area, so I knew I had gotten the right house. As I approached the house, I slowed down to a walking pace. I was still trying to prep myself for the encounter.

When I got to the house through the woods, I stopped, looking intently at the front door atop the front steps. With vampire speed, I swiftly glided up the steps, putting myself inches away from the big, beautifully crafted door. Shit. What did I want to say? 'Um, excuse me, I would like to beat your face in while you tell me why you slept with my husband.' I don't think that would go over well. She was in fact, older, wiser, and stronger. More skilled. Looking at this logically, I didn't stand a chance if this turned into a fight.

I started to panic a little. I really didn't think this through. I should have not even left that bed. I should have stayed there, like I had planned. Waited it out until morning, got some of my things, and went on my way. But no, Bella's life isn't complete without putting myself in danger here and there. I couldn't do this. I'm looking for a death wish by being here. I quickly turned on my heels and started for the steps. I had gotten a couple of steps in before I stopped myself. No, no. I had to do this. I had to know why. I willed myself to turn back around and backtracked back up the stairs and shoved my finger into the button, ringing the door bell.

* * *

AN: Bella is PISSED! Read and Review!! Thank you SOOO much to those that have read this so far and to those who have reviewed. It means a lot!


	12. Chapter 12 Penis Sharing

**Chapter Twelve**

Penis Sharing

Bella POV

I could hear Tanya questioning the others if they were expecting anyone. Someone else was heard telling her that it was another vampire at the door. I could smell Tanya get closer to the door, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw her pull back the curtains and look to see what vampire was exactly at her door. After a pause, which I was pretty sure she was wondering why I had decided to show my face, she opened the door. We didn't say anything to each other. We both just stood there, staring at each other. Both wondering what the other was thinking.

"Bella...why are you here?"

"Well, you know, we've only met a handful of times, and I felt that we should get to know each other. You know, since we're sharing penises and all."

I wasn't sure why I was being sarcastic with her. I chalked it up as my way of dealing with the situation at head. Hell, if I was going to die today, I should make it light. Tanya raised an eyebrow at me and switched her weight to one foot, crossing her arms over her chest. She must have not liked my joke. Can't please em' all.

"Listen, I'm not-"

"Why?" I interrupted.

Tanya sighed heavily, and looked down at the ground. "I'm not proud of myself."

"Well I don't know about that. Hell, I'd be proud if I could lure someone like Edward with all his 'values' to repeat sex adventures."

"That's not fair Bella."

"Oh really? Then what is fair?"

She didn't say anything. With a quick glance behind her, she shut the front door behind her and walked to the side to sit at the porch set that was elegantly set up.

"Please sit down." Gesturing with her hand at an empty chair across from her.

I debated in my head. Why wasn't she getting possesive? Why was she so calm? Did she even have any remorse for what she did? Hesitating, I walked over, taking a seat. I wanted to seem calm and cool too, so I set back and crossed my legs. Tanya's eyes watched me intently. There were times when I wished I had Edward's gift of reading minds, because then I would be more prepared. Or at least know what she was thinking as she watched me. I would not falter though. I met her gaze with equail intensity and I would at least make her think that I was strong and completely unafraid of her.

"Bella, what I have done to you is extremely unfair. I understand that. I also understand that I have to claim on Edward at all."

"Apparently you do. Enough of a claim that he came back to you, sleeping with you over and over again." I wasn't wanting her to appologize just yet.

Tanya pushed her hands into her face, raking her hands through her beautiful red hair. She was clearly frustrated, and I didn't know what that meant for me.

"Dammit Bella, just listen and stop being a bitch for two damn seconds!"

My head snapped back slightly, surprised by her words.

"Don't you think I have a right-"

Tanya started to get up from her chair. "I'm not going to talk to you Bella while you're like this. You are too angry to listen to me and I'm not going to deal with you like this." She threw her hands in the air, shaking her head.

"Okay, okay! I'll listen." Why the hell was I giving in to her?! If anything I should be calling the shots and getting up. Not her.

Tanya sat back down, one eyebrow raised as she glared at me. She waited, making sure I would actually listen. "Okay. Now, yes Bella, this whole situation is messe up. I don't have one clue about you. I've met you a total of three times. All under unfortunate circumstances." She looked up to see me about to say something, but held a hand up to stop me. "They were unfortunate for me. Yes, your wedding was a happy occasion for you, but not for me. Do you know the story of when I first met Carlisle and his family?"

"Yes."

"Who told you the story?"

Sighing, slightly annoyed, I answered. "Rosalie brought the time up when she was telling me another story, and then I asked Edward about it and he told me in more detail."

"Okay, so you know that I wanted Edward, but he refused me."

I rolled my eyes. _Refused my ass_, I thought.

"Bella, he never wanted me. Ever. As much as I tried, and I tried everything, he always said, "No, thank you". Can you understand how that can bruise someone emotionally? To want someone so much, but to be told that you didn't have a shot in hell? I literally got depressed. I had no clue that vampires could get such serious emotions like depression before. And I think Edward must have felt sorry for me. Because he finally agreed to give it a try. That's what he actually said to me. 'I guess we could give it a try.' That didn't feel good either, but I took what I could. And of course, along with us giving it a fucking try, we had sex. And yes, sex is sex. But there was something missing. He enjoyed it, so I thought, but something just wasn't clicking with him."

Why was I listening to this? I didn't want to hear this, except I couldn't pull myself away. I looked up with just my eyes, peeking through my thick lashes, an saw something I din't expect. Tanya was crying. Her shoulders heaved up and down lightly as she struggled to regain control of herself. I knew it would be best not to say anything right now.

"When I questioned him as to what wasn't clicking, he just said that he was sorry, but I wasn't 'the one'. So we broke it off, but I wasn't done with him. I wanted Edward, but he didn't want me. Years went by, numerous times of me trying to get him, and him always saying no. Of course with Edward, always the gentleman, he always declined politely. But I couldn't take no for an answer. And then when I found out about you. This human girl, no one special, had been Edward's 'one'. That I couldn't take. And the fact that he actually _married_ a human girl and actually _cared_ about you so much, it killed me. At that point, I knew I had absolutely no chance. I would never have Edward. But then at the rehersal dinner, Rosalie and I got to talking..."

Rosalie. Damn Rosalie. I could feel a low, but tight growl burrowed deep in my chest, and it took everything I had not to let it roar out of me and leap from my chair in anger.

"And for some reason, we got to discussing about me and Edward. It seemed like innocent girl talk, until I mentioned that Edward and I had slept together once." Tanya looked off to the side. "I can still remember the look she had on her face. Thinking back on it now, she knew something. Right then and there she knew something. Later in small conversation, Rosalie brought it up again about me sleeping with him. And then told me about how you wanted to be turned into one of us. She explained how she didn't agree with it, and wanted to stop you from making a huge mistake. So she informed me that she was very certain that you had believed all along that Edward had _never_ had sex. That you would be his first. She felt that if you found out that Edward had lied to you before the wedding, then you wouldn't go on with the ceremony and forget all about wanting to become a vampire.

"But something else clicked into my head then. I can't explain to you how much I wanted Edward. I would have done _anything_ to be in your shoes. So the next day, my sisters and I had actually gotten to Carlisle's house early. Edward was out back by himself, which I thought would be my perfect moment. So I told him what I knew, and, I have never seen Edward panic. And boy did he panic. And of course, I used this to get him to sleep with me. See, the way I figured it, if I could get him to sleep with me on your wedding day, then I could have you find out and there wouldn't be a wedding. I had counted on Edward being the honest man that he always was. I was surprised to learn that he had obviously lied when he introduced us at the reception. So as you must now realize, I used that against him for the next time we slept together, and then yesterday, I had threatened to tell you everything myself, which is why we were in the meadow."

Tanya face looked as if it would crumble at the slightest touch. Her face was drawn and sad. I felt a pang in my stomach as a knot formed. I actually felt bad for her. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help but think of her side on all this. Here was an extremely emotionaly crippled woman, whose wounds only had salt repeatedly poured into them with each rejection. I remembered how it felt the time when Edward thought it would be best to leave and never come back. I was absolutely crushed. I literally couldn't breathe then. All my emotions were dark and unnatural. Granted she was a vampire, but we had feelings just like humans. And as a woman, she had unfortunately abused her emotions with her repeated attempts at Edward.

I didn't have a clue what to say to her. I couldn't yell at her. I couldn't be sarcastic. She didn't need to be emotionally battered anymore. "Tanya..."

"I know. I should have stopped. I should have just taken no for an answer and moved on. But, I guess you learn from your mistakes." Tanya finally looked up, meeting my gaze intently. "Bella, I see it now. You were what he was waiting for. He instantly clicked with you. He was a completely different man around you. He was unbelievably happy, and not only am I sorry for what I did to you, but I'm sorry for breaking that happiness for Edward. It wasn't fair for either of you. I know that you will never forgive me, and definitely won't forget, but I hope, in time, that you will accept me as family. I promise, I will leave you and Edward alone. I've seen the hurt I've caused and I couldn't do that again."

"I...I came here ready to fight. I did. I came here ready to yell and scream and call you horrible names. I was determined to make you feel horrible. What I didn't expect was to understand you. I understand all of it. I don't like it, but I get it. I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that you actually allowed yourself to go through so much. I'm sorry that he chose me, and that you have to suffer over that. I am far from forgiving you, or him for that matter. But in reality, you are family. Therefore, it would be useless for me to dwell and hold a grudge against you for, well, centuries." I laughed a little at the thought of that. I still hadn't grasped the concept that I could very well live forever.

Tanya still couldn't look at me. It took a while before she spoke again. "You're a better person that me. Than a lot of people. Humans and vampires. You're a special person, and I see that now. I know some terrible things have come your way, but you are destined for great things Bella. Edward and you as a _team_ are going to do wonderful things. It's weird to say that after yesterday, I had an epiphany. Or so I think I did. It just became clear to me. Good things will come to me as well, I just have to be more patient. Hell, who knows, I may end up like Edward and a hundred years from now, fall in love with some human man."

A genuine smile crept across my face. Tanya finally looked up, one corner of her mouth turned up. We stared at each other for a short moment, before we both burst out in loud laughter. It sounded as if we were old girlfriends, catching up on life and telling funny stories while sipping on drinks. After what seemed forever, our uncontrollable laughter finally subsided, both of us had huge smiles on our faces.

"Tanya, thank you. You put a lot of things in perspective for me."

"No, Bella, it's quite the opposite. When you were human, you probably thought that becoming one of us would be easier path in life. That things would be less dramatic. You never think that no matter what you are, or where you are, life is one fucked up soap opera. No matter how hard you try, something always makes things dramatic in some way."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." I glanced down at my watch and realized the time. It didn't seem that long, but Tanya and I had been talking for almost two and half hours now. "God, I gotta get going. I'm glad we talked." I smiled at Tanya.

"Me too, Bella. I hope one day, things will be better between us, and we can get together more often. You truly are a remarkable person."

"We'll see. Thank you Tanya."

I got up with ease and trotted down the the stairs. I didn't look back at Tanya. I knew she hadn't got up yet. I also didn't technically acknowledge her wanting us to get together more often. I did like Tanya. I can see the appeal in her. If things had been different, I could actually see us being good friends. But things aren't different, and I was still jaded. So I kept going, trotting turning into running. I still needed to be on my own. And since I could cross off talking with Tanya off my list, my next thing to do was to get some of my things. Talking with Tanya was easy, but I still didn't want to talk with Edward.

I ran full force now, through the rugged terrain, back towards the direction of Carlisle's house.

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AN: Read and Review! I love them like a fat kid loves cake!


	13. Chapter 13 Saying Goodbye

**Chapter Thirteen**

Saying Goodbye

Bella POV

It was funny. I remembered the long trips from the airport to Charlie's house when I would visit, and think about how short and quick the trips back to the aiport were. This was the same thing. It seemed like it took _forever_ to get to Tanya's house, but getting back to Carlisle's seemed to take minutes. I even stopped and hunted on the way. Yet, in no time, I was back in the familiar woods, set around the beautiful Cullen household. There was no need for me to run anymore, so I took my time zig zagging through the trees, only to be brought to an upbrupt stop.

"Bella..."

I whirled around startled. "Shit! Dammit Emmett! Someone as big as you shouldn't be allowed to be able to be as quiet as you are."

"Sorry. Where were you? I came to see when you wanted to go get your things and you were gone." Emmett huge stature was only made bigger as he crossed his arms across his huge chest.

"Okay, don't flip, because nothing serious happened. But...I went to the Denali's. To, well, attack Tanya."

Shock splashed across his face and his finger was already wagging in my direction. His hands were flailing in every direction as he scorned me. "Bella! Are you out of your fucking mind?! You're not a newborn anymore. She could have shredded you to fucking bits!"

I rolled my eyes and put my hand up for him to stop his rant. "I told you Em, nothing happened. I didn't attack her and as you can see, I'm still in one piece."

"So what did happen?"

"We just talked. She explained herself, and I listened. Yes, I did go there to fight, but it just didn't turn out that way. In some way, I actually understand her now." I explained shortly. The details weren't really necessary, so I spared him.

Emmett had calmed down immediately and was now sitting on the leaf covered ground, propped up against a thick tree. He seemed sullen, which was unusual for him. Even when he should be upset about something, he was still, well, Emmett. I watched him for a moment, but he didn't say anything. He was thinking. About what though, was still yet to be heard.

"Em, what's up?"

It took a few more minutes before he let out a huge, deep sigh. "You know I love you, right? You're my sister. I mean, right from the first moment I met you, it was like something clicked in me, I could feel it in my bones that you were meant to be my little sister. It felt like we grew up together and though you had Edward to protect you, and Alice...I always felt that there was a big brother, little sister thing that was special between us that no one else had."

"Em, that's all true. You know I honestly think of you as my brother. Even if I were still human and had never gotten with Edward, we are brother and sister. Nothing changes that. You know that, I know you do. So what's the problem?"

He still couldn't look at me. "Things have escaladed in the family. Alice and Jasper are fighting over what's happened. Jasper's pissed because he thinks it's fucked up the Alice actually helped keep Edward's secret. I feel the same way, which of course has led to Rose in full on bitch mode towards me, causing us to fight. Esme and Carlisle aren't really speaking. And of course Edward hasn't set foot in the house since the last time. It's not good for any of us. I don't want you to go, but I also think it might be what's best right now. At least until things cool down."

I couldn't say that didn't hurt, but I knew he was right. That was one of the reasons I wanted to go on my own anyways. I knew what had happened between me and Edward would cause something like this to happen. Hearing though, only strengthened my resolve to leave.

"It's okay Emmett. It's true. This need to be calm for a while. You know me, I have this orbit around me that attracts disaster. It really makes sense for me to go away for a while. Besides, that's why I'm here anyways. I was going to see if either you or Jasper was ready to come with me to the house so I could get some things. I'm burning time here man, I gotta get going."

I smiled, trying to make light of the situation. I could tell Emmett was torn, and he didn't need to deal with crap at home just because of me. He looked up at me once I had made the joke and smiled. He hopped up onto his feet quickly and grabbed me in what could only be described in a death grip. If I were human, I would be seeing my life flash before my eyes as my lungs struggled for air. Fortunately, my lungs didn't care. Before my bones turned to mesh, Emmett finally let me go and flung his arm over my shoulders. We walked towards the home I had shared with Edward. I loved my big brother.

"Jasper would come, but um, since I'm here with you, he's being attacked from both sides by angry women. It's not pretty. So, thanks for saving my ass there."

"Hey, no problem. Let me know when I can do something else to bring all hell into the household. Though it may be Jasper's turn that time." I joked.

He let out a big laugh as we approached the small house. I could smell Edward all around the place. The scent got stronger the closer we got. "He's here."

Emmett stopped quickly, looking down at me. "Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, I can go in there and get what you need. I have a pretty good idea. Panties, bras, shirts..."

"Please! You're not going anywhere near that drawer in the dresser!"

We both laughed as we got to the front door. Emmett knocked as I stood somewhat behind him. I didn't want this to get ugly. Just in and out. No mess. Edward opened the door, and without even looking at us, he just went back to the couch and sat down.

"Don't worry about me, Bella. I won't move from this couch until after you leave the house." Edward stated flatly. God, he sounded sad. I wanted to say something to him, but something prevented me. The words were there, so close to being said, yet nothing came out. Emmett nodded at me to get started and with quick vampire speed, I went into our bedroom.

I hurried around in the bathroom, grabbing my human necessities that I could live without, but didn't want to. I pushed aside the glass door to the shower, reaching in, I grabbed my favorite strawberry shampoo. Quickly getting back into the bedroom, I looked around swiftly to see if there was anything in the room that I needed before gliding towards the closet.

Before entering the closet, a pain shot through my entire body, causing me to stop. I couldn't move. I knew what had stopped me. The pain and memory from the night in the closet. I'm sure the hole was still there and I couldn't see it right now. My breathing started becoming more and more rough and I knew that I would need Emmett's help. Then again, I didn't want him seeing that hole. He would automatically know what it was from because it's Emmett of course. Then I would get that embarrassed ashamed feeling that I didn't want right now. I couldn't ask Edward to go into the closet, because that meant that I would have to talk to him.

I stood motionless for what seemed hours, when in reality was probably just a few seconds. The decision to go into the closet or not to was going back and forth through my head, literally making my head hurt. I needed clothes. What I needed was out of this house.

"Bella! You okay in there?" I heard Emmitt call from the other room.

That decided it. Screw the clothes. I'll just get some more wherever. I just had to get out of this house. I grabbed the duffle bag roughly and slung it over my shoulder with the intent on getting the hell out of dodge. I rushed out of the room and headed for the front door.

Edward turned around in the couch staring at Emmitt. "Why are you rushing her?! She needs her things, just let her get her things!"

"Don't you fucking start Edward!" Emmitt pointed at him, his eyes like daggers. "I'm just here doing what Bella wanted me to do! So shut the fuck up!"

I didn't want to hear all this. I just wanted to go. "Emmitt, let's go." Emmitt placed his hand at the small of my back, ushering me towards the front door.

"Wait Bella. Here's a couple of cards. I know you'll need money. At least until you get situated before you start getting your own money. Just...take these. I don't want this to be hard on you more than it already is." He held out two credit cards, waiting for me to take them. He wasn't even looking at me, he just kept his eyes planted to the floor.

"I don't want the cards." I stated flatly. "I don't want the cards because then you could possibly know where I was. I don't want to make it easier for you to track me down."

Edward's head shot up, eyes full of hurt and regret. If he could cry, I knew he would be. But at this moment, it was getting easier and easier not to care. Which made me sad, because I wanted to care.

"I...uh...I understand." His words came out barely audible.

And with that, Emmitt and me left.


	14. Chapter 14 Five Months Later

**Stephanie Meyer is the Twilight Goddess and owns it all. All of it. Theres Not one little tiny piece of Twilight or it's characters that she doesn't own. ;)**

**Chapter Fourteen**

Five Months Later

Bella POV

_5 months later._

"No ma'am. I said if you plug it up first, and then let it charge up for at _least_ 24 hours, then your battery would not die so fast"

I had been working at the call center for a while now. When I moved, I knew I needed a job, yet the only experience I've had is working a small store. Hardly experience there. I had needed night, so I went through the newspapers like crazy every day.

It took a few weeks, but finally found a decent paying night job, so I used what little cash I had left and went shopping for whatever nice job interview clothes I could find.

Now mind you, I did panic a little. Actually I panicked a lot. This was my first time alone. At all. If I were human, this would be one of those right of passage things. Learn to be on your own. Being vampire though, it was scary as hell. My biggest fear was that I wouldn't be able to live among humans. That it would be too difficult without someone there to remind me to figit, or to not seem different so easily.

But I guess, having those fears in my head, helped remind me. After trying a few stores, and getting a lot of stares, I finally found some simple clothes that would work. I payed for my things at the counter and headed back home.

I used the term 'home' loosely. It wasn't a home. I didn't particularly love the house, but it was the first thing I found that was extremely secluded and for rent. So in the end, it worked out.

"Why does it have to be plugged in for that long? I need to be able to use my phone by the morning." A whiney voice brought me back to where I was.

I rolled my eyes and exhaled as quietly as I could, trying to hide my contempt for all things and people that pushed my patience level. "Ma'am, if you want a fully charged battery that won't die in just a few hours, then it will need to charge for at least 24 hours. Is there anything else I can help you with today?" I placed my hand to the headset, closing my eyes and praying that she would get off the phone.

"No I guess not." And with that she hung up.

Rude. I as glad she was off however. I ripped off the headset and set it on the desk in my small cubicle. I was really starting to hate this job. I moaned and laid my head down on my desk, glancing at the clock to see how much long I had before I could rush home and take a long, much needed bath.

"Hey Bella. Sleeping on the job?"

My head popped up so fast that my hair dragged the headset across the keyboard and made more noise then necessary. I glanced up, and saw Connor staring at me expectantly over my cubicle wall.

"No. I just got off the phone with someone who needs to go back to school." I ran my hands over my face and leaned back in my chair. Connor was an okay guy. He had worked here a lot longer than I had and yet seemed to do his own thing. I never once saw him actually work. Which in itself, was highly annoying because my desk, was across from him, and I _did_ have to work.

As I looked back up at Connor leering over the divider, something different was going on in his eyes.

"So, since you're having rough customers, why don't I take you out to dinner tonight so you can unwind. You never go out with any of us." he winked and his eyes narrowed slightly, waiting for me to respond.

"I'm gonna have to pass. I'm just not a crowd or group person."

"Oh come on Bella!" Connor barely pleaded with me. I glanced at the clock again and sure enough. Time to go. Grabbing my jacket and call log book, I got up and started to leave. "Sorry Connor, not going to happen."

I dropped the log on my boss' desk, then left the building in pursuit of my bathtub.

* * *

AN: I know this was a short chapter. And here's why. After chapter 13, I didn't know how I wanted to write the transistion of Bella going away. Finding a place to live, blah blah. So I skipped it and started writing later chapters because I already knew how I wanted those to go. And then now, going back trying to write those missing in between chapters, is harder than I thought and I'm honestly NOT wanting to write them, because then chapters that are already written are so good I just want to jump right into those and upload them. But I won't. Because it wouldn't make sense. *sigh*


	15. Chapter 15 Animalistic Tendencies

Notes: _The last chapter was really short, and I'm sorry about that. It bugged me too. I just couldn't get a good enough way to transition into the chapters that I have already written. So if you bear with me, I promise you that the chapters coming up...may possibly blow your mind. We'll see. ;)_

_I OWN NOTHING! DON'T SUE! I'M NOT WORTHY!_

Chapter Fifteen

Animalistic Tendencies

If I could sleep, I know I would have in the bathtub. I had gotten used to the fact that the tub was by comparison tiny to other bathtubs that I have seen. Really, the only other bathtub I was comparing it to was my old bathtub. Edward's and mine.

Chastising myself for even going there, I quickly got out of the water, creating puddles as I made a grasp for the nearest towel. Even though I was mad at myself for even letting my brain go towards that direction, it was inevitable that I would start thinking about him. About it all.

Since I left Forks, being on my own had been torture. I thought being away and on my own for a while would allow me to just take a break from everything that had happened. My luck apparently wasn't that good, and I found myself constantly thinking about him. Edward. Someone who I had once thought was mine. Someone who I had always thought was superior to me, and had been proven correct on that assumption.

I padded my way into my small bedroom and started drying myself off. I felt a little tickle in my throat and knew that I need to go hunt. I had put off hunting for almost a week now, just because it was boring and now a days I didn't want to do anything other that work and come home to just be. But now the itching had become noticeable.

Tossing the towel on the bed, I went to the small closet, to get dressed. One good thing about being on my own, was that I could wear whatever the hell I wanted without the whining or influence of certain people. Grabbing a pair of worn jeans and a form fitting t-shirt, I quickly got dressed. Throwing on some tennis shoes, I quickly made my way through the house and out the back door, towards the woods that surrounded my house.

As I ran through the woods, taking what animals were in my path, I could feel myself lingering on the animal side in me. After taking the blood of what animals I could take my fill of, I finally started to slow down. I wasn't sure exactly how far into the woods I was, but my own scent had left a trail that I could just follow back to my house.

I turned, making my way back to the house. I was full and sated and ready to just curl up on the couch and watch whatever was on the tv. I had taken maybe thirty steps when another scent clouded my nose. It was strong, and I wanted to say it was familiar. I wasn't sure.

Before I could even process why the scent was familiar, something slammed into me from behind, crushing me to the ground.

"What the hell!" I shouted. I tried to turn around, but something grabbed my ankle and threw me into a tree that wasn't thick enough to withstand me. Both me and the tree toppled over, smashing loudly into the matted leaves and dirt.

What the fuck is going on? I chanced a quick glance up before trying to get to my feet fast enough. That was when I saw what was treating me like a rag doll.

"Connor!?"

"Bella?", he huffed out in a mixture of growls.

We both stood there staring at each other, both locked in a defensive stance. Something crossed my mind about the way he looked. Dark jeans, and a dark gray t-shirt that hung loosely to his body, yet seemed snug at the same time. His face had a snarl to it and there was blood trickling out of the corner of his delicious mouth. Wait. What?

Delicious mouth? Did I really think that? Damn I am horny. What the hell!? _Get a fucking hold on yourself Bella!_ I shook my head a little. Bringing my eyes back up to Connor's dark and haunted eyes. God, he was gorgeous. Dammit!

I pondered kicking my own ass when Connor's head snapped to the side and he ran off. Don't as me why, because I don't know. I followed him. He was fast, almost too fast. I hadn't seen anyone run as fast as him since-.

"Fuck." I mumbled to myself, trying to catch up to him.

As I ran, barely keeping up with Connor, it occured to me how oblivious I apparently was. Connor was a vampire. A fucking vampire. How is it that I so easily picked up on other's being a vampire, yet I work with this asshole for five damn months and I had no damn clue.

"Connor!", I yelled at him. Trying to catch his attention. It would have been no use though. He was hunting. He was focused and the fact that he obviously now knew that I was a vampire, was completely off his radar. I finally caught up to him just as he sank his teeth into one of the biggest deer I had seen.

And damn did he look hot doing it. _Okay, seriously!?_ What the hell is wrong with me!? As I got closer, watching him drain the animal, he looked up sharply at me, and let out a vicious snarl, causing a knot form in the pit of my stomach. But it wasn't out of fear.

As soon as I felt the knot, I squeezed my thighs together involuntarily, feeling the tingling between them. I stepped closer, slowly, so not to cause him to think that I was after his catch. I'm not really sure what I was thinking. I just knew I wanted to be closer. Needed to be closer. The closer I got, the pit in my stomach grew and the inner walls of my sex clenched. It had been so long since I had felt this way. I just had to have him. I wasn't sure what was coming over me.

As Connor drained the last of the deer's blood, he shoved the animal carcus off of him and turned to stand up. All I saw was a flash of bluring woods, as I pounced on him, tearing at him.

Connor snarled and growled and bit my shoulder. I felt a sharp pain as the venom seeped into my system. I wasn't thinking straight. I couldn't have been. I know there was a voice in there somewhere, asking me what the hell I was doing. Telling me to get off of him and run home. But I couldn't. His clothes were offensive and in the way of my goal. Or my bodies goal. The two were starting to blend.

Through shredded shirts and ripped pants, Connor grabbed me roughly and flung me off of him. Before I could even think, my body was being slammed into a tree. There was a pause, some moment of realization, and he just stared at me. He didn't look at my body, he didn't look at my mouth or nose, he looked me dead in the eyes. Shakily, I stared back, catching the small change in his eyes. They hadn't changed from the black, but it was just different. I knew the change. All too well. He wasn't in hunting mode anymore.

He grabbed the back of my head, shoving my mouth onto his. Tugging on his lip, trying but failing to bite him. His body was so hard and meshed with mine, that I had no way of snaking my hands between us to get to his pants. He hissed through our kisses and I felt his hands move harshly down the sides of my body. Stopping momentarily to grab and rip the rest of my shirt, taking my bra with it.

His hands were rough, but soft. I growled and moaned at the sensation of his hands on me. He felt so good and I hadn't even gone that far yet. I could still stop this. I should stop this. For a split second, my mind caught up with what was going on. I pictured Edward. I pictured what he would say about this. _Bella, you are strong enough to stop this. Don't do this._

"Fuck you." I mumbled to myself. Screw Edward.

Connor must have taken as me talking to him, because he took one hand of my breast and tore the rest of my jeans and panties off. Not even realizing he was barely covered himself, I felt him slip himself in between my legs. He grabbed my legs and hiked them up around his waist as he rammed himself into me repeatedly.

Some part of me acknowledged that this should be hurting me. But it didn't. His repeated impaling felt so good. I moaned and hissed at the feeling of this man taking me that way he was. I shoved my hands into his hair grabbing hold of it and bucking my hips to meet his thrusts. Who knew Connor would be this good. I didn't. I had never pictured him this way. I had noticed that he was good looking. But it was always at work, and I was always busy trying to just get through the day.

His pace increased and a warm and wonderful sensation passed through my body, worming it's way through my body and up through my chest. Connor was getting faster and his grunts and growls were just one more thing pushing me over the edge. It seemed to go so quickly, because quickly my walls were squeezing his dick and I was screaming with one of the best orgasms I had in my life.

A few more thrusts, trying to push further into my body, through my tightness, Connor stilled and rested his forhead on my shoulder.

We stayed there, silent and motionless. He just held me up, against the tree, not looking at me and resting his head. I just looked at the sky. It took me a few moments before I could even begin to come down from what had just happened, but now that I had, I couldn't believe what I had just done.

I wiggled slightly, and Connor picked up the hint, gently setting my feet on the ground. He still wouldn't look at me. He just kept his head down, still standing very close in front of me. It was an awkward moment to say the least. Both of us were naked, with no spare clothes, and, well, it's Connor! And me! And holy shit Connor is a vampire!

"Con-"

"Bella, I'm sorry." He finally looked at me, but he wasn't really looking AT me. He was looking slightly off to the side. Not meeting my eyes.

"Connor it wasn't just you. I mean-it's...dammit. What I mean is, it's not your fault. It's mine. I saw you there and I couldn't stop thinking..." I trailed off, babbling in the uncomfortableness.

"Bella you're a vampire."

"Connor you're a vampire." I smarted back.

He took a few steps back, but turned slightly so that he wasn't staring at my naked body.

"How the hell are you a vampire?", he questioned rationally.

"How the hell are _you_ a vampire?"

"Bella! Fucking stop!", he roared.

"Okay, sorry! It's just...weird. It's a very weird way to find out that someone is a vampire."

Connor's eyes darted to mine, then quickly back to whatever was in front of him to look at. He rubbed his eyes and ran his hands over his face, and through his hair. He didn't seem mad.

"Look, my house is close enough by here. I don't think either of us wants to be naked any longer than we already have been. I'm okay with you coming back to the house and getting some clothes." I offered quickly, trying to difuse the situation.

He still wouldn't look at me, just kept staring into space. Motionless. A statue. A really incredibly hot statue, with a big-.

"Listen, we need to talk anyways. Just...come on."

I started walking towards the house, without looking back at Connor's still form. After a few paces, I heard his footsteps behind me. This was going to be a weird conversation.

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AN: Okay! Well! Can't help those animalistic tendacies can ya!? Sorry about the long update. I got caught up with reading some of my favs and it distracted me. But you know what helps me keep going, REVIEWS! Come on people! ;)


	16. Chapter 16 My Fun Confession Session

NOTES: Okay, so here's the deal. Pretend you went through some time loophole. As you will see, Connor and Bella have been together for a while now. The reason I am just going to skip to this, is because...well...I'm lazy. I have like 10 chapter after this that I had written a while back and I am ready to finally upload them. I just got impatient. :D Enjoy ;)

**Chapter Sixteen**

My Fun Confession Session

"Your are to me! I'm not going to give up on you until you tell me you don't want me anymore. Baby, believe it or not, I truely care about you. Bella, I have been alone for _decades_. No friend, no partner, no one. Even living in a foster home I was alone. I've met people here and there, but none of them were significant. I don't want you to leave, and I don't want to go anywhere. I know something happened to you, and whatever it is, whoever it was that did this to you,_ I'm not that person_! I am different. You can't base me on someone's else's mistakes. You obviously came here to start a new life, so why not just start that new life with me? Start fresh. Forget anything from your past life, and just start new here. With me."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Connor had it all right. He had no ability to read my mind, or feel my emotions, yet he had just read me like an open book, and it almost brought me to my knees. Everything he had just said was right, and I knew it. Connor had just bared his soul to me, and told me he loved me, and strangely enough, I knew that I loved him too. And in another stange twist of emotions, I felt like I was betraying Edward. But I had been on my own, without Edward for over a year now. We were still married by law, but our marriage had died the day in the meadow. It had come to a point now where I needed to tell Connor everything. All the reasons why my heart would never fully be his. How even though I did love him, I would have to tell him what had happened in my 'past life' that had caused me to be so emotionally challenged. It would bring back all the old pain, but he had to know.

Play by play, I told Connor everything that I had stored away deep in the back of my mind. Hidden memories that I had made sure I would never think of. I explained about when I had first moved to Forks. I told him about my parents, about school. My school friends and about the first time I saw the Cullens. I told him everything about each of my new family, and about me and Edward. I tried to tell him, the best I could, about the relationship between Edward and me. I could feel the lump in my throat get caught and hurt as it stayed there while I talked about Edward in every detail. I thought it would be harder than this to be so open with Connor. It surprised me how easily everything flowed out with such ease, as if I were writing it in a journal and knew that no one would ever read it. It was an odd though, Connor was like my own personal journal. Putting all my thoughts and feelings into him, and somehow knowing that no one would ever know, because deep down, I trusted him.

I looked up slightly, to meet Connor's eyes. He was staring at the ground, his hands were in his pockets, and the expression on his face was that of deep thought. I looked back down at my feet, and began pacing back and forth as I continued relaying my memories to him. I told him about James, prom, and Italy. I told him about Jacob, Victoria, and my graduation. I explained in detail our wedding, and my transformation into becoming a vampire. Then I got to the hard part. I took in a deep breath and started telling Connor about the meadow, and about my seperation. I finished up about why and when I decided to go on my own.

I had abruptly stopped pacing, but it was not on my own accord. Connor had grabbed me into his arms and held me tighter than anyone had in a long time. I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face into his muscular chest. Retelling this story didn't make me start sobbing like I'd expected. I did, however, feel lighter. Like a weight had been lifted off of me, and I was happy that I had told him everything. I had finally forced myself to talk about it all, and it made me feel better. His strong arms were still wrapped tightly around me and I felt so unbelievably safe. I also felt a twinge of need between my legs. With me in between them, I placed my hands firmly on his stomach. I snaked them up this his hard chest, up past his collarbone and lightly up the back of his neck. He tensed a little when I did this, but I knew he wouldn't be for long. His hands were on my back, and I could feel them slither their way up the back of my shirt. His hands were grasping at my the back of my bra, and quickly unfastened it. He grabbed me up into his arms and began kissing me passionately.

I kissed Connor back with all the love I had for him. I pulled away from him, long enough to look into his eyes. They were pitch black, but I could still see that this man wanted nothing but me. That I was the sexiest thing he had ever laid eyes on and possibly that he felt like he wasn't good enough for me. I grabbed his held, without saying a word, and dragged him behind me to my bedroom. This whole time that Connor had lived with me, he never once had been in my room. I pulled him into the room, and closed the door behind me. When I turned around, he had stopped his focus on me, and was looking around my room. His mouth was slightly open, and his eyes were all over the place, surveying my room. I could see why he seemed surprised. For a woman, there wasn't much to my room. Especially since I spent a lot of time in here. No tv, no music, nothing but my bed and necessities. The only thing that would catch his attention were the stacks and stacks of sketchbooks sprawled out all over my floor.

"Another time for that." I grabbed his hand and yanked at it so that his attention would come back to me. His hand went to the back of my neck, cradling my head as he went back to kissing me. I grabbed at his jeans, fumbling with the button and unzipping them quickly. I swiftly unbuttoned my jeans, as he led us to the edge of my bed. I pulled his shirt up, and since he was much taller than me, he took his shirt off himself, grinning at the fact that I couldn't do it. I marveled at his stone chest. His body was perfection. His stomach was strong too. He wasn't huge, but any means. Huge would be Emmett, but Connor was something in the middle of Emmett and Edward. It seemed I was taking to long ogling at his body, because Connor started laughing and then ripped my shirt clean off, pulling my bra off with it. "My turn to stare."

And I didn't care. I felt like a goddess around him. So it didn't matter at all that he was staring at my half-naked body. Smiling slightly, I pushed down my jeans, slowly, to give effect. I was suddenly glad that I had chosen my sexy panties today. I took the couple of steps so that my body and breasts were firmly against his. We were so close together, it almost seemed like we were trying to become one in another. I stepped back and gently shoved Connor backwards, causing him to land on my bed. I grabbed at the waist of his jeans, and yanked them down, off of his legs, and flung them behind me. His cock was hard as a rock and begged for me to help with it's release. Connor sat up, and grabbed my waist, pulling me on top of him. I giggled as he started kissing my neck, licking along my collarbone, sending chills through me. I let out a low hiss, as his hand squeezed and rubbed slow circles around my nipple. Pulling his face up to mine, I began kissing him, our tongues exploring each other's mouth. I scooted my body down, getting onto my hands and knees as I started licking and nibbling all over his body. I drew small circles around nipples, kissing along his ribcage, down his stomach, following the trail that led from his belly button. I kissed all along his hair line, and with one hand I grabbed hold of the throbbing cock that was calling me. Rubbing my hand up and down I looked at Connor as he watched me, his eyes to me had turned into a deeper, darker black. Staring him in the eyes, I placed my tongue at the base of his dick, slowly bringing it up his shaft, to the head, before plunging it into my mouth.

Connor let out a deep, chesty growl as my hand worked with my mouth in perfect unison up and down his cock. Every now and then I would plunge him deep into my mouth, hitting the back of my throat. "Shit Bella." I felt his hands grab a hand full of hair at the back of my head as he guided my head, letting me know how fast or how slow he was wanting me to go. After a moment I brought him out of my mouth, my tongue licked around his head. "Dammit Bella." Connor grabbed me just under my arms and pulled me up on top of him again, kissing me ferociously. His hands ran down my back and he cupped my ass and scooted me foward to where I was sitting on his chest. I could feel my juices leaking out of me, and onto his skin, and knowing this made me moan.

"Bella, scoot up further and get on your knees.", he demanded.

I did as he asked me, and almost immediately I felt his tongue flick across my petruding nub. Waves of pleasure shot up through my stomach making my buck ever so slightly on his face. One of his hands was kneading my ass which the other had his fingers probing my leaking center. His lapped up the juices that dropped out as I felt his middle finger explore and stroke my inner walls. Loud hisses and groans filled the air as I felt myself get close to my breaking point. "Oh god Connor! Oh god!"

"Not yet baby, not yet." Connor pleaded with me to hold off on my release as his lips nibbled and his tongue tickled my clit. My walls clenched around his finger as I tried to fight the pleasure that was taking over me. His big hands felt so good on me and his finger was pushing in all the right places. His tongue owned my clit and I swear I was starting to see stars. "Fuck, Connor, I'm going to-."

"No your not.", he growled at me as he grabbed my waist, yanking me off his face. He flung me onto my back, ripping of my black panties in one swift movement. As my back hit the mattress, he jammed his cock deep inside me, grinding and pumping, his pace meeting mine as my hips bucked against his. This wasn't aggressive, this was pure passion. And I was loving every minute of it. Placing his arm underneath my back, Connor pulled me up into his lap, grinding further into me. I smashed my breasts against his chest and wrapped my arms around his neck, grabbing the back of his head. I hissed as my walls tightened around him as my release came strong as ever.

'That's right baby, cum all over me." Connor hissed in my ear as I felt his release pushed strong inside me, his dick throbbing against my clenched walls. We sat there in each other's arms for the longest moment before he kissed me up my neck, meeting my waiting lips.

Laying me down, he pulled out of me and laid next to me, pulling the covers over us. We didn't sleep, we just laid there with out eyes closed, Connor cradling me the whole night.

This was nice.

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AN: I need reviews. They help me know that I should keep updating. You have to review to find out the mother of all secrets. ;) Oh and, please try not to kill me for what happens next chapter. Love ya!


	17. Chapter 17 Floating Chairs

NOTES: I OWN NOTHING. Except this version of characters that don't belong to me. Connor and Bella are closer than ever, and what happens back in Forks?

Chapter Seventeen

Floating Chairs

Bella POV

I had gotten out of bed while Connor was taking a shower. Last night had been a turning point for me and Connor, and I felt it. It was both scary and nice. It was nice, because after so long of holding it all in, I was finally able to just let it out, and talk to someone about it. It was scary, because I had never let myself get close enough to people to have to talk about this. Unfortunately, Connor had gotten close enough, that he had started seeing through the facade' and knew that I wasn't completely me. I glided lightly to my closet, not really wanting to get dressed, but not wanting to walk around naked either. I found an oversized t-shirt that was laying on the closet floor. I pulled it on, yanking on the bottom of it, making sure it covered my ass.

I didn't have a big house. I walked out into the small living room, into an even smaller kitchen. Opening the back door, I walked out into the morning air, taking a deep breath as I sat down on a cheap, multi-colored lawn chair. I was calm, and I was happy. That didn't stop my mind from drifting off to Edward. Truth be told I wondered what he was up to. I wondered if he had moved on, and decided being with Tanya was better. I thought about whether or not he was missing me. I secretly wished that he was still drowning in his pain. However, I couldn't deny to myself, or to my heart, that I missed him. But there was another small, tiny part in my heart, that was happy with Connor.

"Hey babe." Connor came behind me and kissed me on the cheek before settling himself in the other lawn chair.

I smiled sweetly at him. "Hey."

"So I was thinking while I was scrubbing my mini me-"

"Connor!" I laughed as I lightly scorned him.

"Okay, joking, but I _was_ thinking while I was...in the shower," he chuckled, "And I thought that since you shared some secrets, it was only fair that I share one of my own."

"One?"

"Okay, I don't really have any secrets. But I do have one thing that I haven't told you about. I didn't want to tell you about it because I really wasn't sure if I was staying or going anytime soon. And it seemed like something that wasn't a big deal to share, if I was going to move on soon."

"And...you've decided that your staying. What makes you think that I'm okay with you staying?" I teased.

"I think last night decided that." He winked at me, and flashed a brilliant white smile.

"Okay, continue."

He jumped to his feet and squared his shoulders as he faced me. "Okay, so, I can do this thing, that I discovered by accident a _long_ time ago, but since then, it's come in handy."

"What? Did you learn some special language?"

"Ha ha, no. Now if you're done trying to be funny, which you're not. I need to show you rather than tell you."

I watched intently, yet amused, as Connor looked around the porch for something that I apparently wasn't seeing. He actually turned around almost frantically before fully facing me again. He looked me dead in my eyes before speaking.

"Hold on to your chair."

"What?"

"Hold. On. To. Your. Chair."

"Wh-Why?"

"Just hold on to it. Geez."

I placed my hands on each arm of the flimzy chair, holding on. This confused me. But before I had any more time to think about it, I started feeling slightly unsteady. It wasn't my feelings that were unsteady, it was the chair. I looked up at Connor with shock written all over me. When I normally looked his face, I had to look up at him. Now, I was slightly taller than him.

"Oh!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, that's what I wanted to show you. If I want something to move, I just think about how and where I want it to move, and it does. Doesn't matter what it is."

"Okay. That's actually pretty cool, but, um, could you put me down now?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry."

I felt me and the chair make a thud sound as it hit the ground, and it caused the chairs metal legs to bend, bringing me down further. "Shoot."

"Shit! Sorry about that." Connor rushed over, lifting me effortlessly out of the chair and setting me on my feet. "I haven't quite mastered it. And I really never use it unless it's absolutely necessary."

"It's okay, really. No harm done. The chair was a piece of crap anyways." I smiled half-heartedly and leaned against the wall of the house.

Connor looked at me suspiciously. I didn't know why though. What was he expecting? Was he thinking that I was going to yell at him or something?

"Your not freaked out?" He asked, confused.

"Not at all. Why would I be?"

"I just showed you that I can move things, and all you do is stand there."

This seemed oddly familiar. It made my mind stop and think for a moment. Was I having some weird case of deja' vu? "Oh."

"What?" Connor was now in front of me, holding on to my shoulders, bending down so that he was looking into my distant eyes. "I did freak you out."

"No, you didn't. It's okay, really. It's just...you reminded me of something." I was hardly in the moment right now. I _was_ having a sick case of deja' vu. Connor had just said almost the exact thing Edward had said when he told me about his mind reading. This wasn't the first time though. It had occured to me around the time that I had met Connor that he looked familiar to me. I hadn't really put much thought into it then, but now, looking back on it, he sorta looked like him. Like Edward. Not exactly of course, but he had striking similarities in the face. His hair was almost the same beautiful color, just cut different. He was more muscular, but looking at him, he had almost the same body shape. And in some of our previous non-chalant conversations, his old timey way of talking would slip through here and there, reminding me of Edward. It was weird. Too weird.

"Earth to Bella, can you hear me?" Connor was waving his hand in my face.

I came to, putting a normal, relaxed look to my face. "Sorry. I just zoned out there for a moment."

"You said I reminded you of something?"

"Yeah, you, um...you reminded me of him, just now. Sorry." My face grimaced a little, honestly sorry that I had brought it up to him.

"I see. Well, I personally need to hunt, so I'm gonna go. Do you want to change and come join me? Although you could probably get some attention looking like that." He smiled, pulling me into him. His lips met mine, tender and sweet. He tasted good.

"Yeah, I'll join you. And yes, I'm changing." I giggled as I slipped past Connor, and through the back door back into my house. I was being silly. Connor was nothing like Edward. I chalked it up as me just missing Edward. Of course I missed him. Edward held a huge part of my heart. It would only be time that my mind would start roaming back to him. I was a girl. It was frustrating though, and highly unfair to Connor. As I made my way into my tiny closet, I grabbed a pair of comfy jeans, slipping them on. As I reached for a t-shirt, I heard a vibration noise from a box on the shelf high up in the closet. It took me a few seconds to realize what it was, but then I reached up, snatching the box off the shelf and twirled around, tossing the box on my bed, quickly ripping the lid off. I had to rummage through a bunch of papers and momentos before coming across my old cell phone. I had kept in case of an emergency. Only the ones from my past life had the number. I picked it up, looking at the caller id. I didn't recognize the number.

I flipped the phone open, pulling it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Yes, Is this a Miss Isabella Swan?"

"Yes. Who is this?"

"Miss Swan, this is Deputy Williams. I'm sorry to inform you that your father, Chief Swan, has passed away."

"What?!" I had meant to sit on the bed, but instead, slid along the side of the bed, plopping down on the floor. "How?"

"I'm afraid he had a heart attack Miss Swan. According to his doctors, he had had a small heart attack about 6 months ago, but unfortunately we didn't catch this one in time ma'am. I'm very sorry."

"Was he alone?!" Oh god, please don't let him have been alone.

"No, Miss Swan. Miss Clearwater was with him, and she was the one who dialed 911. It was just too late when we got there."

I couldn't say anything. Stupid old man. I knew this would happen, what with all those damn steaks he ate. Dammit Charlie! Dammit.

"Miss Swan, if there is anything you would like for us to do, just ask. Anything you need, and we can do it."

"No, no. I'll be in town shortly, and we'll discuss things then. Thank you for calling me."

I snapped the phone shut, and sobbed. I sobbed my invisible tears and was glad that I didn't need to breathe. It would have made it harder. I had to accept this. If not now, then soon enough. I had chosen a path that meant that anyone human that I loved, or held close to heart, would eventually die as I would forever live. I knew this. It didn't make it any easier.

"Bella?"

I looked up, pain written all over my face. Connor rushed over and wrapped his arms around me. "Bella what's wrong?"

"I have to go."

"Okay. Can I ask why?"

"My father just died."

"We can hunt down whoever did this. They won't get away with burning him-"

"No, Connor. Not my father-in-law. _My _father. My human father. He had a heart attack." I sobbed into Connor's chest, still happy I didn't have to breathe.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"No, I just have to go. I have to get his funeral together, and call my mom."

"Are you going to be okay to go alone? Do you need me to go?"

"It's okay Connor, you don't have to go."

"Bella, I want to go. I want to be there for you."

I nodded as I sobbed. I should have said no, but I couldn't. I wanted him to go with me. I needed him to. So as coherently as possible, I agreed. "Okay."

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AN: Reviews are needed. They are food to me and right now I'm starving. lol Thanks for reading!


	18. Chapter 18 No Win Situations

Chapter Eighteen

No Win Situations

Bella POV

I didn't feel like running, so Connor agreed that we would take a plane, then drive to Forks in a rental car. I had called Sue while we were in the airport to let her know when we would be there. I called Rene, who of course was crying so hard that she could barely hold an actual conversation. I had to repeatedly assure that it would be okay, and give her the same old cliche' that you hear all the time. Dad was an amazing man, and it would only make sense that God would want him with him. Dad was going to a better place. Blah blah blah. It was true, yet it was stuff that somehow seemed not enough for Charlie.

I didn't plan on staying long, so my carry on bag was the only bag I had brought. A few change of clothes was all I needed. Connor had the same thought, as he had only brought a small duffle bag with him. As we stood in line to get tickets, I had to remind myself to move around. As wound up as I was, I didn't want to start fidgeting too much. With my luck, I'd get tackled by a bunch of security thinking I was up to something. The line went quickly, and soon enough we were at the counter.

"Hello. What can I do for you two today?"

"We need two tickets to Port Angelas, Washington. Please." I tried to give a heart warmingly smile, but I knew I wasn't pulling it off well.

"Okay then, let me see what we have available..." The lady trailed off as she typed away on her keyboard. "Well, we have some seats available, but it's in first class."

"Ugh, is there anything else at all? I can't afford that, and we _have_ to get to Washington as soon as possible." I pleaded with her.

"I'm sorry ma'am, there's nothing else."

Connor gently guided me aside, so that he could be at the counter. His lips parted away from his brilliant white teeth, and I could see the woman's eyes twinkle at his sight.

"Hi, I'm sorry, what's your name?" He sounded so gentle, and...seductive.

"Uh, Tiffany."

"Well, Tiffany, that's a great name by the way." He winked at her, and she may as well passed out with the way her breathing had gotten. "My friend here actually just experienced a family tragedy, and we are trying to make it back to Washington so that we can start with arrangements. Now I'm sure that you can understand that this wasn't something that she planned, otherwise she would have gotten the tickets in advance. Now, I have a feeling that you are a unbelievably smart woman, and I know that you can make some magic happen at the keyboard miss. Can you help me out? Please?"

Her breathing had gotten rough and she was obviously dazzled by him. Couldn't blame the poor girl, he was an amazing sight. That was something I, for some reason, couldn't pull off. I couldn't dazzle humans. I didn't know if it was because I simply felt stupid or silly anytime I tried, or if I just simply couldn't do it. Didn't matter anyways, I always got what I needed, when I needed it with no problems, so dazzling anyone wasn't really necessary.

"Ah, okay, well, how about this? I can give you a discount on your tickets, where you will be flying in first class at the coach price. Will that work for you...?

"Connor", he chimed.

"Right. Connor. That's a great name." She was starting to sound like a giggly school girl, and now I felt bad for her. Poor girl had no idea, yet her heartbeat and breathing indicated that she was deep in lust, even though it would go no where.

I reached into my bag and pulled out my bilfold, handing Tiffany, in all her dazed glory, the money for the tickets. She handed us two first class tickets and wished us a happy and safe trip. As we made our way through the airport to our designated gate, I couldn't help but start laughing.

"What's so funny?" He asked me.

"I can't believe you did that." I was shaking my head as I said it.

"Hey, I did what I had to do to get the tickets. I'm sorry I'm so damn irresistable." He rubbed his hands over his chest, sticking his tongue out in his mock cockiness.

"Yeah yeah, save it for the mirror."

"Well, we're gonna have a bit of a wait, I'm gonna go sit down."

"Yeah, I'm actually going to go make some phone calls real quick, I'll be right back."

"Okay." I pulled my phone out of my pocket and started to walk away. "Hey Bella?"

I turned around and Connor had moved to where he was right in front of me. I looked at him, waiting for what he had to say. Suddenly his lips crashed against mine and his arms wrapped around me holding me tight against him. When he finally pulled away, I had to get myself under control again.

"What was that for?" I laughed lightly.

"It's just...well, I know where we're going. And I know that even though we're going there for your father, there will be other people there too."

I knew where he was going with this. He knew that my past life was in Forks. Edward was in Forks. "Connor-"

"Bella, I know. I'm not going to maul all over you while we're there. I respect what will be there waiting for you. I just want you to know before we get there that...I love you. A lot."

"I love you too Connor. I do. And I'm fully aware of what all I'm going to be dealing with while we're there. But like I told you, my past is just that. The past. Now go sit down you freak."

"More like freak-y." He laughed as he walked over the the waiting area at the gate. I stood there for a moment. Watching Ed-Connor. Shit. Did I really just do that? Dammit. This was going to be a mistake, I know it.

I walked around the corner and flipped open my phone. Searching quickly through the contacts, I found Carlisle's name and hit the little green send button. After a couple rings, he answered.

"Bella?"

"Hi Carlisle."

"How are you my dear? I've been worried about you. I'm sure you have heard about Charlie."

"Yes, I was calling to actually let you know that we're coming into town. We'll be there in a few hours. I don't want things to be weird. In fact I don't want anything to be anything."

"I understand Bella. Might I ask how you've been?"

"We'll have time to talk about all that when we get there. The plane's going to be boarding soon."

"You say 'we', is there someone else coming?"

"Oh, um, yeah. My friend Connor came with me for support."

"I see. Well I can honestly say that I wished it were different circumstances that brought you back, but in any case, I've missed you and I'm glad your coming to visit."

"Thank you Carlisle, I've missed you too. I'll see you soon."

I shut the phone quickly. That went better than I could have hoped. I knew I didn't have to tell them that I was coming, because Alice would have told them already. I was also sure that she had mentioned that someone would be coming with me, but I felt better just getting it out there. I wanted to make Connor sound like he wasn't a big deal. I wasn't sure if I was trying to tell myself that though.

As soon as the call for the passengers to start boarding, thanks to our first class tickets, Connor and I got to board earlier than some of the others. We waddled our way down the isle, even though it was completely unnecessary. We had to keep up appearances though.

"Want the window seat?" Connor asked me amused.

I laughed, "No, you go right ahead."

"What do you think they would do if we just lit up and started smoking? Think they would try to kick us off the plane?"

"Um, I don't know. Can we even smoke? Is that even possible for us?" I mused.

Connor was started to get ansy. I knew it. I felt bad for him. As nervous as I was to be going back, and even more nervous to be going back bringing Connor with me. I could only imagine what Connor was going through. He knew full and well what would be waiting when we got there. He also knew what he was up against. To him, he was the complete outsider. It was nothing like Jasper and Alice. They came to the Cullens _together_. And granted he was showing up with me, he was still by himself. I was still married to Edward. I was still attached to someone. But little did the Cullens know was that not only was I attached to Edward, but I was indeed, attached to Connor. It was a no win situation and I had no clue how to make either of us feel better about this. Not to mention the fact that I would be attending my own father's funeral. Bringing Connor had brought drama where drama was certainly not needed. And really, what was I expecting? Why in the hell did I even think it would be remotely okay for me to bring him?

All I was doing was hurting Edward by him seeing that I was with someone else. I couldn't lie to him about sleeping with Connor, because Edward would be able to hear his thoughts. And I was hurting Connor, because he would be in a place where no one knew him. He would just be the guy that is coming between 'Bella and Edward'. And in any case, even if Edward didn't read Connor's mind, Alice would have told him that I had made the 'decision' to sleep with someone else. Either way, I was screwed, and both of them would be hurt. I suppose I could take comfort that showing up with Connor wouldn't be a surprise to Edward.

Over the time that I had been alone, I was left to think about every detail leading up to that day in the meadow. I had come to my own conclusion that Jasper and Emmett had definitely not known about any of it. Alice knew, which when it had first occured to me, hurt almost as much as the day in the meadow. Carlisle and Esme knew of course. Rosalie had gone with Alice to Milan that day, so I was pretty sure that she knew. It was an odd feeling to know that things were kept from you. That Alice had taken the side of Edward over telling Jasper anything. Rosalie and me had gotten closer, but I was pretty sure that if she had known about this before she left with Alice, she would have jumped at the chance to tell me.

"Come on Bella."

"Okay. Let's go." Connor had broken me out of my enternal conversation with myself as I grabbed my bag and led the way off the plane.

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AN: Who all is there?!? Wanna know? Leave a review! xoxo hdawn


	19. Chapter 19 Oddly Friendly Waters

NOTES: Thank you to those who have reviewed, it means everything to me! Now on with the drama...

PS. SM owns anything and everything having to do with Twilight and it's characters.

Chapter Nineteen

Oddly Friendly Waters

Bella POV

As I stepped off the plane, and headed down the ramp, my nerves were getting the better of me. I thought I was supposed to be good at controlling my own emotions. If I were human, I'd be hyperventilating right now. If I were this wound up, Connor's mind must be doing cart wheels. I stopped and turned to face him before we reached the end of the ramp. A few passengers bumped into Connor as they passed by him. It couldn't have felt good to them. Bumping into Connor was like ramming yourself into a brick wall. I could hear swearing and see mean looks as they would walk away rubbing their shoulders.

He looked down at me, amused. "You okay? You know they could sue me if they wanted to for bodily injury."

"I'm just wondering if you're okay. I mean, I don't know who all is going to be there waiting for us at the end of this ramp. I worry about how all this is for you."

"Bella, your worrying for no reason." He grabbed my shoulders, bending slightly so that he could look at me in the eyes. "I knew exactly what I was getting in the middle of when I decided to come with you. I'm a big boy Bella. I'm over a century old! I even have my big man underwear on." He laughed as he turned me around, putting his arm over my shoulder as he guided me towards the end of the ramp.

When we reached the end, there were a lot of people pooled together in the airport as everyone got off the plane. Without really thinking I took in a deep breath. He wasn't here. I let out a heavy sigh of relief and Connor laughed lightly. He knew exactly what I had done.

"He's not here." He stated as he squeezed me closer for a moment.

"No."

I breathed in again, and I could tell Alice wasn't here either. That made me happy, however I was a little dissapointed because I could tell that Emmett and Jasper weren't here either. And they were the only ones that I was sure wouldn't judge me for bringing Connor. I was unbelievably thankful that Rosalie wasn't here. Really the only one that I could sense was here was Carlisle, but I couldn't see him yet with all the people. We snaked through the small crowd, further into the airport, and there was Carlisle. Sitting in one of the seats, waiting for us. He stood up as he saw me.

"I'll wait here for a second." Connor reasuured me as he gently shoved me in Carlisle's direction.

"Bella, my dearest daughter!" Carlisle greeted me with the tightest, most sincere hug as he greeted me. "I have missed you so much. How was your trip?"

"Um, it was fine. God, Carlisle it is so good to see you. I've missed you a lot."

"Your friend is waiting cautiously. Bring him over here so I can meet the man who's been taking care of our Bella."

I went to retrieve Connor and nervously brought him to Carlisle. His reaction was not one that I was expecting. Carlisle looked shocked. He looked utterly shocked. He quickly composed himself and brought his hand out to Connor.

"My name is Carlisle Cullen, nice to meet you." He greeted Connor kindly. Yet there was a hint of shakiness to his voice. In the time I had know Carlisle, he has never looked or sounded like this. Even with all the danger that was around us before I became a vampire, he was scared for his family, but he still never sounded like this.

"Hello Sir, I'm Connor. Nice to meet you too. Bella's told me a lot about you." He was even being more composed that Carlisle.

"Well I hope it was all good things, do you two have anymore bags?"

"No, we didn't bring much, we don't plan on staying that long." I answered. I wasn't sure how he, nor anyone else would take that.

"Well enough then, let's get you to Charlie's, Bella." His smile almost seemed forced.

Connor let us walk ahead of him. I'm sure he was wanting to give us time to catch up. "Carlisle, are you okay? Connor coming won't be a problem will it?"

"I'm fine Bella, and no, it's okay that he came. No worries." He smiled again and patted my back lightly as we exited the airport towards his awaiting Mercedes. I was relieved again when there wasn't anyone waiting in the car for us. I pretty much figured out that Carlisle had let the others know that it would be best for him to come alone. Connor wanted to still give us time catching up, so he instisted that I sit up front with Carlisle. It hadn't worked though, there was uncomfortable silence as the car started up to life and Carlisle took off towards Forks. After about another ten minutes of silence, Carlisle finally spoke.

"So Bella, what have you been up to?" What a simple, yet loaded question to ask.

"Uh, well, not much. I found a small house in Maine. It's nothing really. Enough for me. It's conviently located by some lush woods." I smiled. "I honestly haven't been doing much. I got a night job at a call center. Pays the bill I guess."

Carlisle nodded, then looked in his rearview mirror at Connor. "And you, Connor?"

"Oh, um, I don't really do much at all. I kinda wander around. Do a lot of traveling." He answered.

"Where are you from?"

"From?" Connor didn't know what he had meant.

"Where were you born? As a baby and when you changed." Carlisle was getting a little nosy, but I didn't say anything. I chalked it up as him being fatherly.

"Ah, well, I don't know where I was born. I grew up in an orphanage my whole life until the age of 18. Then I left and went out on my own. Don't really remember much after that. I do remember being sick and then waking up changed. I woke up alone, but I had a note in my pocket. It wasn't signed, but whoever wrote it was the one who changed me. All it said was that they were sorry, that it had been a request of my father and that they knew that I would be strong enough to stay away from humans until I knew I wouldn't hurt them. I was told to feed on animals and to not go out in sunlight. That was it." Connor had recounted his life in a short and sweet fashion. I turned and looked back at him.

"You never told me this."

"You never asked hun. If you would have asked, I would have told you. It's not a sad story to me. It's okay.", he countered.

I turned back in my seat and leaned against my door, looking out the window. What father would request that his son be turned into a vampire? Was his father a vampire too? If so, the meant that either his father did not survive eternity, or his father is somewhere in this big world. No, his father wasn't a vampire because we couldn't have children. So his _human_ father asked for his own son to be changed? Why? It was odd.

"Wait, Carlisle? Connor said in his letter, whoever changed him told him about feeding on animals. Not many vampires are vegetarians, so that kinda narrows the pool doesn't it?"

Carlisle glanced at me quickly, then returned to watching the road. "Well, yes, but-"

"It's okay Bella. I'm really not interested in the least bit on finding out who changed me. It was a long time ago and I don't even think about it. Anyways, you're getting a little distracted don't you think? We have your father's funeral to attend and you also need to show me around the wonderful town of Forks."

Carlisle quickly agreed. "He's right dear. There's a lot on your mind right now, and you can't add more to your plate."

I huffed as I folded my arms in defeat and went back to looking out the window. Something about his story didn't sit well with me. It seemed like such a horrible way to be changed. And how cowardly was the vampire who turned him to just leave him alone with nothing but a letter? Now, there was Connor's story that reminded me of Edward. Edward's mother had asked Carlisle to change Edward. But Edward was sick and dying. And I was right about the vegetarian thing. To me, that narrowed it down. I only knew of a small group of us that didn't feed on anything but animals. The Cullens, the Denalis, and maybe a hand few of others. It seemed really weird to me, and I didn't want to let it go. Once we got to Charlie's house, and I had Connor alone, I would ask him more about it.

We had already passed the 'Welcome to Forks' sign and had soon passed the police station. I watched it as we passed by, seemingly in slow motion. This brought on a wave of sadness. I let it sink in finally. Doing what Carlisle and Connor wanted me to do. I finally let my mind think throughly about the fact that my father had just died. I was so glad that I couldn't cry. Charlie was actually gone. When I got to his house, he wouldn't be there to greet me. To give Connor as hard of a time as he gave Edward. I wouldn't have anyone anyone to cook for. Charlie was the only one who knew. Who knew just about everything about me and the Cullens. It was something that I needed, and he was able to give me. Acceptance of what I had chosen, and acceptance of Edward and his family. Rene couldn't know because she would go crazy. Literally. And now, I had no one in my human family that knew anything about me.

"Here we are." Carlisle said as he pulled into the driveway of Charlie's house. It hadn't changed a bit. Not that it would, it had only been a little less than a year. It was just the it so little had changed, that it seemed like I had only been gone for a week at the most. Connor and Carlisle got out without hesitation, but I couldn't open my door. Yes, this was my father's home, but it felt foreign. I felt scared. I knew that once I opened that front door, it would be final. There would be no greeting from Charlie. No more beers. No more days of me walking in to see Charlie sitting at the table cleaning his guns. I wouldn't hear the sounds of his t.v. playing his favorite game. There wouldn't be anymore accidental burnings of food when he tried to cook. No, I couldn't open my door. I didn't want to. Carlisle came around to my door, and opened it for me. He knelt down to my level, rubbing my arm.

"Bella hun, you don't have to stay here if you don't want to. You can come to out house if you think it would be easier."

I looked at Carlisle like he was crazy. "Carlisle you know we can't stay there. Even if Connor hadn't have come with me, I couldn't stay there. It's too weird right now."

"I understand." He agreed reluctantly.

Connor spoke up this time. "Well I could stay here and you could stay at the Cullens if you think that would be easier."

"No! Both of you stop it. I'm staying here. That's the end of it." I raised my voice.

They both just nodded as I got out, letting Carlisle shut the door behind me. I slowly made my way up to the front door of the quaint house, and Connor started to follow me.

"Give her a minute." I heard Carlisle tell him behind me.

I opened the door swiftly, staying on the porch for a long moment before walking in. Charlie's scent was still very strong in the house. I took a deep breath and let it out loudly as I passed through the threashold. Everything was pretty tidy for Charlie. I knew that him and Sue and gotten closer, so I figured that she had started keeping the house clean for him once I had left. Everything was as I had left it. I walked into the living room, dropping my bag to the floor. I bent down, grabbing hold of the remote control, and turned on the tv. It was like God was trying to comfort me, because sure enough, there was a game on it. I put the remote back down on the couch as I smiled to myself. I kept looking around at everything, making my way into the kitchen. Even though he was gone, I still wanted to make sure that his food supply was well stocked while he was alive. As I went through the cabinets and the fridge, I heard Connor come in. I didn't bother greeting him. I was still surveying things. I made a mental note to myself that I needed to make sure to thank Sue for taking such good care of Charlie. She needed to know how much I appreciated her.

"You doin' okay Bella?" Connor asked as he came into the kitchen.

"Yeah." I exhaled. I closed the fridge and turned to look at him. I ran my hand exasberated through my hair and let my hands fall to my side. "Everything looks good here. He was well taken care of."

"Were you hoping for something different?" He asked me, one eyebrown arched up.

"Of course not. I know Sue took good care of him. I was just making sure."

Connor glided quickly to me, wrapping his arms around me, kissing me tenderly on the lips. "So, where are we sleeping?" He asked me, kissing me again.

I wiggled my way out of his arms and went to go upstairs to get a pillow. "_You_ will be on the couch. I'll be in my room. We are not going to be doing _anything_ while we are here. And we don't sleep."

He laughed heartily, "You know what I meant." Connor followed me upstairs. His relfexes were to be expected as he caught the pillow I tossed at him. I paused in front of my bedroom door before opening it quick and painlessly, like a bandaid. Not one thing had changed. It was still as messy as could be without tripping on things. All the doodles and drawings were still scattered on the wall above my computer. The computer itself was extremely dusty, not having been touched in so long. Oddly enough though, my bedroom window was open. I didn't bring my curiosity up to Connor though. My bed was the only tidy thing in the room and I was ready to just lay there and take everything in. Alone.

"So, this is the infamous Bella's room." I turned to face him.

"Yes, now get downstairs, and I'll see you in the morning." I kissed him quickly, but affectionately, as I jokingly shoved him out of my room. I watched as he decended the stairs, and waited until I heard him plop down on the couch, turning on the tv. I shut my door and quickly turned back around to face my room. He had been here. That's why I didn't say anything to Connor. Connor hadn't met Edward, so of course he wouldn't know that that was his scent. I felt a rush of excitement mull around in my stomach as I moved effortless, yet quickly to the open window. I looked out into the lowering sun as it lit up the sky in brilliant colors of oranges and reds. Something glinted in my perepheral vision and I swiftly turned to look. Nothing was there though. I sighed, bringing my head back into the room. I thought once I had moved out for good, that Charlie would have done something with my room. Maybe turned into some special gun room. Or at least just taken out all of this stuff so that it could be a spare room for someone. I noticed another flash of light and my body twirled quickly to see what it was. It was coming from my computer. The light was a green, flashing light from the processor. It was on? It was so dusty though, there was no way it was used recently. Upon closer inspection, I saw that even though everything on the computer was dusty, the keyboard and mouse had been disturbed.

I listened for Connor, sure that he was still downstairs. I sat down lightly in the chair and turned on the monitor. It brightly came to life and it was in stand by mode, waiting for whomever to put in the password to log back on. I typed it in quietly and waited for the old computer to log back on. After about three minutes or so, the monitor showed off my screensaver with the muliple desktop icons scattered across the screen. The first thing I noticed though, was a program that was still open in the task bar titled 'Bella'. I clicked it and it magnified to full screen mode. I gasped softly as it finally occured to me that someone had typed up a short note to me. That someone had been Edward.

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AN: Wow...so...um...yeah...I saw that look Carlisle! And just WHAT did Edward do!? Review and find out!!! XOXO


	20. Chapter 20 Desperation and Need

Notes: The big 2-0!!! And it's doozy!

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Chapter Twenty

Desperation and Need

Bella POV

I stared at the typed letter that was brightly lit on the monitor of my computer. All I could do for a long, drawn out moment, is stare at the first letter. I couldn't even will myself to start reading the letter. I couldn't get past the first freaking letter. It was strange though. I was scared. I was scared to start reading his letter to me. It was a nervous scared. I was feeling like the beginning again. The feeling of butterflies was overwhelming me. If my heart were'nt dead, it would be hammering loudly in my chest for all to hear. I knew I missed Edward, but how much I missed him, wasn't apparent to me until now. I missed his smell, his arms, his hair, his eyes. I missed the way he kissed me, I missed his arms around me, always protective. I missed how now that I wasn't breakable, he could be more forceful with me. I missed how he could never tell me no. I missed how we knew each other better than we knew ourselves. Suddenly a thought popped into my head. What if Edward was here? Somewhere close enough. I closed my eyes and concentrated. I pushed the elastic band of my shield to wash over the whole bedroom, pouring out of the window and along a small portion of trees outside. I opened my eyes slowly and let my mind think of everything that had been on my mind since I left. If my instincts were right, he was near. He would hear my thoughts. I returned my attention to the screen and willed myself to read the letter.

_ My Dearest Bella,_

_ I felt that it would be necessary of me to let you know how I felt about things before we were face to face. I didn't want any uneasiness to come between us right now. I know about your...friend that has come with you. I wanted you to know that it's okay. I understand. Please don't feel that you felt the need to move on. I told you that from the moment I met you, I wanted nothing but your ultimate happiness. It would be blasphemy for me to say that I wasn't jealous, or that I was happy that you have found someone else. But you need to know that no matter what, I am here. For whatever it is you need for me to be. Friend, confidante, or just an old aquaintance. Either way, you have to know that not once did my love for you ever falter. I screwed up. I am not worthy of you, that is clear to me. It won't mean that I won't always wait for you. Even if all the waiting just led you a call here and there. I love you Isabella Marie Swan. You are still my wife, and I hold on to that more than you know. I miss you terribly. I ache for you. I've said to much. You may not want to hear any of this. But it's all I have._

_ For Eternity,_

_ Edward_

I had stopped breathing entirely. A lump had swelled in my throat, constricting any normal breathing. I needed him. God, I needed him. I shot up from the chair to my feet. I paced back and forth between the bed and the desk. I needed him. _Oh god, Edward. I love you._ I wanted him. I wanted his breath on me. I wanted his hands ravishing every inch of me. Keeping with my pacing, the need for Edward was building rapidly. And quite strong. I turned on my heels, pacing back towards the window again, when I was startled. There he was. Standing there just inside my window. He was so beautiful. I felt a pang deep below when I saw him. I sighed heavily.

"Edward..." I whispered roughly.

Without saying a word, his mouth crashed into mine. His hands holding my face to his. There was such a need to the way he kissed me. This was something new for us. We had never needed each other so much before like we did at this moment. I wrapped my arms around him, grasping at the back of his tight shirt. His tongue caressed every inch of my mouth, licking at my teeth. I bit him bottom lip lightly, yet still drawing blood. He hissed in pleasure as my vemon stung his lip. I felt one of his hands grasping hungrily at my hair while the other pulled my hips into him more. I had never heard Edward's breathing as heavy as it was right now. All it did was fuel my hunger for him more. Suddenly Connor flashed into my thoughts. Both of us pulled away from each other. I had forgotten that Edward could read my thoughts right now. We stood there staring at each other, our shoulders moving up and down with our heavy breathing. Edward's eyes were darker than ever with his lust and need, and I could see a flash of anger in them too. Anger, or jealously.

"Edward...we can't...he's downstairs." I breathed at him.

Edward's voice was dark, with calculated anger to it. "You tell me right now you don't want me. You let me in your head. Tell me right now you don't want this, that you don't love me. Say it!"

Yep. Anger. I didn't know what to do. My brain and heart were telling me to think of Connor. This would hurt him. I looked up at Edward, pained. Torn. His face had not changed, except with more anger. I closed my eyes, reeling in my shield. This wasn't fair to Edward either.

"Don't. Don't you dare." He shot at me.

"Edward, it's not fair. You shouldn't have to go through this."

Edward's hard arms grabbed my waist, yanking me into him. His face was dark, sinister almost. "You can't tell me. You can't look at me and tell me you don't want this. That you don't love me."

"You know I love you. That never changed."

"You want this. I can smell it." His voice was low. Each of his words were being growled at me.

A pang of pleasure throbbed in my wet center. He was right. I needed him more than ever right now. Still not answering his question, I looked at Edward again. Pleading with him to go, to make it easier to say no. Edward's hand whipped up to the back of my head, yanking it back. His cool breath washed over my neck just below my ear. His lips lingered. And almost inaudibally, Edward growled again. "You are mine."

Next thing I knew, Edward had grabbed my hand, pulling me after him. We jumped out the window and ran into the night. He was fast, faster than usual. It was hard for me to keep up as he pulled me through the woods, whizzing past trees. I could see that we were fastly approaching our old house. I wasn't ready to be in that house again. "Edward stop." He wasn't listening though. "Stop!" Was he ignoring me? I used all the strength I had in me and yanked my arm back, breaking his hold on me. "I said stop!"

Edward abruptly stopped at the loss of my hand, slowly turning to face me. His eyes had not changed. He stood there, studying me. He was animalistic. Gorgeous. Raw. His dark blue jeans complimented all his best parts. His tight black shirt hugged his muscular frame perfectly. More waves of need made my thighs clench together. He saw this. His lips twitched, slightly bearing his teeth. If it were possible, my breathing got rougher. Almost strained. I barely bit my bottom lip. He was making this hard. "Edward, are you hungry? I mean, have you fed lately?" He was making me nervous.

"Yes." He started to slowly make his way towards me. I took a couple steps back.

"It's just, you've changed a little." I was trying to break the tension between us. I didn't want to hurt Connor.

"Yes, after you left, things changed a little bit." He took a few more steps towards me, and I followed with a few steps back.

"I think we should talk about this." I pleaded, slightly frantic. My need for him was stronger. I was wetter. My muscles were literally aching for this. It was getting hard to fight it. I had taken more steps backwards, before backing myself into a big, thick tree. One corner of Edward's mouth turned up slightly. He took the last few, slow steps towards me, planting himself directly in front of me.

"There's plenty of time to talk, love." His hand was at my throat, pinning me to the tree. I didn't fight him though. I did want this. I grabbed at his back, pulling him further into me. He was so strong. It was like a perfect upgrade that I never dreamed of. He was already perfect to me, but this was unimaginable. Our lips crashed into each other with equal force. His tongue was so sweet, it made my thighs clench tighter. I ran my hands through his hair, hissing in pleasure from his kisses. I ran my hand down his chest, down his perfect stomach, pulling up his shirt. He released me momentarilly to free himself of his shirt. He lunged at me again, picking me up. His arms were wrapped around me tightly. I felt it in the way he held me. He never wanted to let me go.

It was crazy. To me anyways. For some reason, in that moment, the way he held onto me, made me forgive everything that he had done. It all washed away in a split second. All I felt for him now was longing. I felt like I had missed out on precious moments with him, because I was stubborn and unforgiving. I kissed feverishly along his neck as he held me. Nipping at his ear. "I love you." I whispered lightly.

He leaned back to look at me. His eyes were still dark. His face was still sinister looking. I could still see the lust and the need. The anger however, was slowly subsiding. "Bella, I love you." He kissed me again, as we crashed to the ground, rolling around with each other. My pants flew off effortlessly. The only piece of clothing that had met a timely death, were my panties. I felt his hardness slide roughly into me.

I was a highly selfish person.

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AN: Well! Edward is a little naughty now isn't he. So damn demanding....I like it! Poor Connor! But uh oh...what happens next?!? Reviews are air, give it to me! And you shall find out!


	21. Chapter 21 Asshole vs Asshole

Chapter Twenty One

Asshole vs. Asshole

Bella POV

Boy was I selfish. If I were human, and actually had friends to talk to about this, it would get around and I would be considered a slut. It was an interesting thought. I didn't feel like I was a slut. I definitely felt greedy. Greedy and selfish. But I couldn't help the fact that after what transpired between Edward and me just now made me happy. Extremely happy. I no longer care what he did before. I had no ill feelings towards him anymore. Which was also bad. Because that just complicated things more. Now, instead of knowing that I wanted to be with Connor, I now wanted to be with both of them. I loved both of them. And they both loved me. It was like having something great from each end of the spectrum. Edward was so down to earth and sincere. Earnest. He was Edward. Connor was more modern. Older. Rougher. Well, rougher in the sense of his personality. He was the danger in my life that was missing at the moment. It's weird to think of it that way. Yet, Edward had changed. It was a subtle change to me, but I noticed. I liked it. Edward had gotten rougher.

"What are you thinking?" Edward finally spoke after our long silence.

I looked up at him. We had sat in the woods just outside Charlie's house for a while now. After we had made love, we both knew we needed to talk. It was just hard to start talking after all that.

"I'm thinking about a lot. I have a giant conflict in my head." I answered.

Edward sighed. He probably had an idea of what was going on in my head. "Bella, normally, I would tell you that I'm okay with waiting. I lied in that letter. I'm not okay with it. I don't want to wait for you. I want you now. With me. You're my wife dammit."

That caught me by surprise. Edward rarely cursed. When he did, he was stressed and usually it was when we were in danger. Or if someone had pissed him off. "I know Edward. It's just...hard to explain without hurting you. And it's hard to explain to him without hurting him too."

"Earlier, you said that I changed. And I did. After you left, I...well, I hit a dark moment. I rebeled a little. It's been driving Carlisle and Esme crazy. Emmett is loving it. Jasper hasn't been in the same room with me since you left. I know from his thoughts that he's not mad at me, but it's my emotions that he can't take. I have some things in perspective now. Like the fact that I will not lose you. You are mine. And I _will_ let your little friend know that."

"His name is Connor." I retorted.

His face shot up to look at me. There was the anger again. "Yeah, I saw Carlisle's thoughts. Your friend is interesting. Not someone I thought you would have gone for."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? What is wrong with you? Yeah, you changed. But you're acting like a dick right now Edward. I'm sorry that this upsets you. It wasn't something that I went looking for. It just happened." I snapped at him.

He was being a jerk. He had no right to act like this. It was his fault in the first place. Asshole.

"I can still hear you, you know." He stated.

"Ugh!" I slammed my eyes shut and concentrated on pulling in my shield.

"So I'm being an asshole because I love you too much." His statement sounded like a question.

"No, you're being an asshole because of how you're acting about the situation. You think this is easy for me?! It would be so much easier if I had never met Connor. But I did, and now I love him too. He was there in _my_ darkest hours. He understood without judgement. It would be easier for me to still hate you and not want to be with you ever again. But I don't. So you see, it's pretty fucking difficult right now. And the least you can do, is just be there! This is your fault anyways! If you had never been the liar that you were, I would have never left. Then I wouldn't have met Connor. But you did lie, and I did leave. And I did meet him. And I'm happy with him! There's no fuss with us."

"You've slept with him." Edward guessed.

His anger was still there. "Yes. I have. Does it matter?"

"I want to say no, but it does."

My eyes narrowed at him. I couldn't believe him. I got up to my feet and turned to quickly get to Charlie's house. It was dawn now, so I just went towards the front door. Right now I didn't care if Connor and Edward were to meet. They were going to anyways. I heard Edward's steps right behind mine. Coming around the house, I hurried up the steps. The front door swung open and Connor was standing there waiting.

"There you are. I got a little worried. I-" His eyes looked past me at Edward. "You must be the infamous Edward Cullen." Connor stood up straight and tall, arms folded across his chest. I secretly wished that we were all humans right now, that was Connor could just beat the shit out of Edward right now. But that wasn't the case, and I'd seen Edward fight, and I wasn't sure he would be on the losing end in the battle. I stepped aside slightly, still between them, but able to see them both. Edward had gained composure in his face more or less. He was still angry, but his eyes weren't dark anymore.

"Yeah. And you're that Connor guy that tagged along." Edward was clearly still in asshole mode.

Connor grabbed my hand and lightly pulled me to him. He put himself slightly in front of me. "It's nice to finally meet the guy that messed up. Bella's said a lot about you during our small amount of time that we actually talked."

Oh god. I knew what Edward was seeing now. He was getting a play by play literally of every time I had sex with Connor. Edward's teeth clenched together. He briefly glanced at Connor's hand intertwined with mine. And though Edward kept himself controlled, I caught a glimpse of pain in his face. I squeezed Connor's hand hard. What he just did was unnecessary. Now he was being an asshole. I was caught in 'Battle of the Assholes' and it wasn't fun. Edward walked slowly up to Connor and they were face to face. Inches apart. Connor pushed me further behind him.

"You should realize that she won't be with you much longer. She will be coming back to me." Edward's voice was cool and subtle.

Connor was just as cool. "I don't know man. I think she's liking what I've been giving her." He winked at Edward for effect. I sighed. This was not what I wanted at all. I didn't want my trip here to be like this. I just wanted to get in and out. Without any issues or anything happening. And that certainly wasn't what was going on.

"I'm fully aware of what you have 'given' her, but keep in mind that she is married to me. I am her husband, and I _fight_ for her. Fiercly."

"Heh, good luck with that. Who knows, with as well things are going for me and _my_ Bella, she may soon be my wife." Connor countered.

"We'll see." Edward glanced around Connor at me. His face was hard with determination, but soft with sincerity. "I'll see you soon, my love." He turned to walk away, but stopped midway. "Oh, and uh, nice chat last night." He winked at Connor before completely turning and making his way down the steps and around back to the woods.

Connor was frozen. I really didn't want him to find out like that. I wanted to tell him myself. "Connor, listen."

He turned around quickly, closing the door behind him and grabbing my face in his hands. "It's okay. I told you, I knew what I was getting myself into by coming with you. It's not something that I wanted to hear, believe me. I would have preferred to hear that there was a lot of yelling and hits to his face." He smiled that sweet smile that I loved so much. "But, I know what he is to you. However, what's fun for me, is that I don't think he's fully aware of what I am to you."

His tone had gotten a little cocky at the end. I looked at him amazed. He was too understanding for my own good.

"I'm still sorry. It just happened. I didn't mean for it to." I felt bad. He had to know how horrible I felt.

"Bella, this will sound crazy, but one of the reasons I fell in love with you is because you are more human than any human I have ever met."

I was dumbfounded. What? In what sane world did that even remotely make sense. My face apparently was reflecting my thoughts because Connor laughed.

"I told you it would sound crazy. It's just, you are absolutely amazing. Yes, you are a vampire. But if it weren't for the fact that you prefer blood to pizza, or that it stings a little when you bite me," he pulled me close to him growling at his last comment, "you would be pure human."

"So apparently, this is supposed to be one long compliment?"

He laughed again as he kissed me gently, wrapping his arms around my shoulders holding me close. "Bella, I am so deep in love with you."

I stepped away from him. I looked up at him, meeting his eyes. "Connor, I am so in love with you it's insane. But you have to realize, you have to know that that's the problem. I'm in love with you _and_ him. It's so horrible and I don't know what to do. I want to hate him. I want to be done with him and be with you. I love you so much. But it's the same with him. I want it to be easy enough that I never met you. If I had never met you I wouldn't have this problem."

One of Connor's eyebrows arched up. "Apparently that was supposed to be a compliment?"

I lightly hit him in the arm as we laughed at ourselves. It was nice to be able to laugh at what we were going through. I couldn't help but feel like I was getting off easy though. I sauntered into the living room, sitting in Charlie's favorite recliner. I leaned my face over slightly to take in a deep breath, breathing in the scent of the chair. Charlie's scent was still strongly there. I sighed and looked up at Connor as he sat down on the couch, closest to me.

"I feel like you should be yelling at me. Calling me names and storming out on your way back to Maine." I confessed.

Connor huffed a little and dropped his eyes down to his hands. "It occured to me. Right after I realized what had happened. But...I can't leave you. Yes, I love you, but that's not it. I can't leave you. I don't know what it is. And call it crazy, but I really feel attached to this place. To Forks. I almost feel like I don't want to leave here either." It had been Connor's turn to confess.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise and confusion. Forks wasn't special. Since I had permanantly moved here, it seemed somewhat of a mecca for all that went bump in the night, but it wasn't _that_ special. "It's not really that great Connor. I mean, there's not really much to it. And at least where we live, there's a couple of clubs to go to, to have fun. There's no fun here."

"Yes, but there's something pulling me here. It's hard to explain."

I had never seen him look so conflicted. It pained me to see him like this. I wanted this to be an easy, mess free trip for him. I hadn't expected this to happen. Feeling that he needed to be reassured that it would be okay, I got up from the recliner and onto his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him tenderly, yet passionately.

"We will stay here for as long as you want." I smiled and kissed him again.

A low growl came in his chest and he scooped me up with ease. "Let's go make you forget about last night." He carried me to the stairs, gliding up the steps, and into my room.

* * *

AN: Hmmmm!!!!!! Okay, so that is the last of the chapters that I have already written! Makes me sad. HOWEVER, since people are loving the story, which is a total shock to me, I am going to keep working on it and get this story taken care of! Just be patient because I don't want to give ya'll a chapter that sucks because I was just trying to update too quickly. But, I promise I will not have you waiting weeks and weeks on end. Please review and I'll update faster! ;) xoxo


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